SYNDICATED COLUMN: The Quagmire Pattern

Ten Years into the Iraq War, the U.S. Repeats in Syria

The Quagmire Pattern always seems to play out the same way.

There’s a civil war in some country deemed by the CIA to be Of Strategic Importance (i.e., energy reserves, proximity to energy reserves, or potential pipeline route to carry energy reserves).

During this initial stage, a secular socialist dictatorship fights Muslim insurgents who want to create an Islamist theocracy. To build public support – or at least apathetic tolerance – the conflict is cast to and by the media as a struggle between tyrannical torturers and freedom-loving underdogs.

The U.S. must get involved!

If not us, who?

Alternative answers to this question – the European Union, the African Union, the United Nations, or nobody at all – what about self-determination? – are shrugged off. It is as if no one has said a word.

The Pentagon selects a rebel faction to support, typically the most radical (because they’re the most fanatical fighters), and sends them money and weapons and trainers.

It works. The regime falls. Yay!

Civil war ensues. Not so yay.

The craziest religious zealots are poised to prevail in this second stage. Because they’re militant and well-trained (by the U.S.). Suffering from buyers’/backers’ remorse, American policymakers have a change of heart. Pivoting 180 degrees, the U.S. now decides to back the most moderate faction (because they’re the most reasonable/most pro-business) among the former opposition.

Then the quagmire begins.

The trouble for Washington is, the radicals are still fanatical – and the best fighters. Minus outside intervention, they will win. So the U.S. pours in more help to their new moderate allies. More weapons. Bigger weapons. More money. Air support. Trainers. Ground troops. Whatever it takes to win an “honorable peace.” And install a moderate regime before withdrawing.

If they can withdraw.

The moderates, you see, never enjoyed the support of most of their country’s people. They didn’t earn their stripes in the war against the former regime. Because of U.S. help, they never had to up their game militarily. So they’re weak. Putting them in power isn’t enough. If the U.S. leaves, they collapse.

Boy, is the U.S. in a pickle now.

Americans troops are getting offed by a determined radical insurgency. The harder the Americans try to crush the nuts, the stronger and bigger they get (because excessive force by invaders radicalizes moderate – but patriotic – fence sitters). Moreover, their puppet allies are a pain in the ass. Far from being grateful, the stooges resent the fact that the U.S. armed their enemies during the original uprising against the fallen dictatorship. The puppet-puppetmaster relationship is inherently one characterized by mistrust.

Starting with the Carter and Reagan Administrations’ arming of the anti-Soviet mujahedeen in Afghanistan during the 1980s and continuing today with the ineffectual and ornery Hamid Karzai, the Quagmire Pattern is how the U.S. intervention unfolded in Afghanistan.

However, the American electorate isn’t told this. They are repeatedly told that abandonment – as opposed to isolationism – is the problem. “The decisive factor in terms of the rise of the Taliban and al-Qaida was the fact that the United States and most of the international community simply walked away and left it to Pakistan and to other more extremist elements to determine Afghanistan’s future in the ’90s,” claims James Dobbins, former U.S. envoy to Afghanistan, Bosnia and Kosovo in a standard retell of the Abandonment Narrative.

The logical implication, of course, is that the U.S. – er, the “international community” – shouldn’t have left Afghanistan in the early 1990s. We ought to have remained indefinitely. The problem with this argument is that we have been over there for 12 straight years, and have little to show for our efforts. (It also ignores history. The U.S. was involved in the 1996-2001 Afghan civil war. It helped both sides: weapons to the Northern Alliance, tens of millions of dollars to the Taliban.)

The Abandonment Narrative is total bullshit – but it has the force of media propagandizers behind it.

The Quagmire Pattern has played out in Afghanistan. And in Iraq. Again in Libya, where a weak central government propped up by the Obama Administration is sitting on its hands as Islamist militias engage in genocide and ethnic cleansing.

Now the Quagmire Pattern is unfolding again, this time in Syria. When the uprising against the secular socialist government of Bashar al-Assad began two years ago, the U.S. rushed in with money, trainers and indirect arms sales. Jihadis received most of the bang-bang goodies. Now people like Dobbins are arguing in favor of weapons transfers from Pentagon arms depots to the Syrian opposition. And President Obama is considering using sketchy allegations that Assad’s forces used chemical weapons – here we go again with the WMDs – as a pretext for invading Syria with ground troops.

Dobbins admits that there are “geopolitical risks,” including distracting ourselves from America’s other Big Possible Future War, against Iran. Yet he still wants to arm the Syrian rebels, who include members of Al Qaeda.

There is, he told NPR, “the possibility that the intervention wouldn’t work and that it would look like a failure.”

“Possibility”? Such interventions have never worked.

So why does he still want to give weapons to people who will probably wind up aiming them at American soldiers?

“I think the consequences of not acting and the risks of not acting are even greater.”

In other words: we do what we do because that’s what we do.

That’s how the Quagmire Pattern works.

(Ted Rall’s website is tedrall.com. His book “After We Kill You, We Will Welcome You Back As Honored Guests: Unembedded in Afghanistan” will be released in November by Farrar, Straus & Giroux.)

COPYRIGHT 2013 TED RALL

Roseanne Loves Rall

RoseanneBarr

Check it out: it’s actress-activist Roseanne Barr holding up one of my cartoons!

Not just a cartoon – but one commissioned especially for her. (Psst—check out the character on the right.) Knowing that Roseanne is a fan, pal Johnny Argent sprung it on her as a birthday gift. Now it hangs somewhere in Ms. Barr’s residence. I didn’t ask where exactly, but does it matter?

Ten Years Ago in America: When the Censorship of the Left Began

Paul Krugman remembers the “strong current of fear” ten years ago when the U.S. invaded Iraq:

It’s hard now to recall the atmosphere of the time, but there was both an overpowering force of conventional wisdom — all the Very Serious People were for war, don’t you know, and if you were against you were by definition flaky — and a strong current of fear. To come out against the war, let alone to suggest that the Bush administration was deliberately misleading the nation into war, looked all too likely to be a career-ending stance. And there were all too few profiles in courage.

Even though most Americans – and the media – supported the war, I took a strong stance against it long before March 2003 and throughout the early years. Here is my cartoon from day one of the war. As you may remember, it caused outrage:

3-20-03

As Krugman describes, I (and other critics) paid a high price for my opposition not only of the Iraq War, but of the Afghanistan War, which was even more popular – broadly supported by Democrats as well. Opposing Bush was career suicide, but what was the choice? Pulling your punches – like so many of my peers did – meant I wouldn’t be doing the work that mattered anyway. Better to get fired for your opinions than to censor yourself.

The New York Times, where I had been the #1 most reprinted cartoonist during the 1990s, stopped running me.

The Washington Post canceled me.

MSNBC.com canceled me.

Men’s Health, which ran my “Testosterone Diaries” comic strip – which had nothing to do with politics – canceled me.

My income plunged. It’s been a hard ten years. As I write this, I have a stack of bills I have no idea how I’m going to pay.

Even though things are starting to turn around, I am nowhere close to the sound financial footing I had before neo-McCarthyism came to America.

In a week or so I am going to roll out my first-ever Ted Rall Fundraiser for people who can and want to support my work. That’s the new model – if you want good political cartoonists to survive, individuals have to support them. In the meantime, of course, please consider donating. (Everyone who donates now gets the same gimmes as those who donate during the official Fundraiser.)

Guest Blogger: Oh George, Where Art Thou?

Right now, George Junior is somewhere celebrating his victory over Saddam Hussein. Just where that “somewhere” is, we don’t know. Have fun in your little hidey-hole, Junior, and don’t forget to wipe off the coke-snot.

Susan Stark

Hello Harrisburg

I just started doing local and state cartoons for the Harrisburg PA Patriot-News. Here’s my first one.

Hello, central Pennsylvania! Should be fun.

Special Guest Post: Where Is the Anger?

As reported at boston.com, the Boston Phoenix (the urge to add the adjective “venerable” is almost irresistible), is closing. I’ll leave it to Ted to post (if he wants) about the death of alt-media in the United States.

 

The thing I wanted to comment on is the hopeless passivity of the media. Joseph P. Kahn (as the Boston Globe is still owned by the New York Times, middle initials are required) writes a first sentence that makes me want to throw my computer against a wall: “In a poignant signal of a fast-changing media landscape, The Boston Phoenix sent out a short and simple tweet Thursday afternoon: ‘Thank you Boston. Good night and good luck.'”

 

Poignant? Fast-changing? Yes, absolutely. But could we stop channeling Counselor Troi? How about a little anger, a little rage, rage against the dying of the light? Nope, not in a Globe write-up! (I wonder how calm Mr. Kahn will be when the Globe disappears in a few more years. I suspect his level of calm will be directly proportional to how close he is, right now, to retirement and a Globe pension.)

 

Ten paragraphs in comes this, from staff writer Chris Faraone: “It’s sad, but also not. It’s not an anger thing. Everyone’s really proud. We went as hard as you could to the end.” Why isn’t it an anger thing? Why the hell is no one angry? You’re out of a job! And not just any crappy job. You were working for the Boston Phoenix. You were at an organization that pissed off politicians for decades! Just because you can’t point to anyone to blame doesn’t mean you can’t be angry. When did everyone turn into Kwai Chang Caine?

 

And then comes the most vile part of the whole thing: the “things-aren’t-so-bad” BS deluge.

 

Tiffany Shackelford, executive director of the Association of Alternative Newsmedia in Washington shows up in the story to comment that even though a “storied brand” like the Boston Phoenix is gone, the alternative news industry remains healthy.“Many of our papers are actually improving circulation,” she said. “This [closure] is not indicative of the larger health of the industry. I don’t think any of our other publications are in danger of closing.”Don’t worry, kids, it’s a small hole. And besides, the ship’s unsinkable.

 

I’m sure some good bands play up there, I’m sure some political scandal is about in crisp, wintery Portland. But it ain’t Boston. And when the alt-media is banished to the third-tier cities, how, exactly, will it be relevant? How, exactly, will the best talent move to larger alternative publications and break the bigger stories?

LOS ANGELES TIMES CARTOON: The Race for Becky

The Race for Becky

I draw cartoons for The Los Angeles Times about issues related to California and the Southland (metro Los Angeles).

This week: As City Controller Wendy Greuel and City Councilman Eric Garcetti vie for black Democrats in South L.A. and white Republicans in the Valley, the race for mayor of Los Angeles is getting sliced ever more thinly by sophisticated demographic modeling.

SYNDICATED COLUMN: Cash In

Why Sheryl Sandberg is Evil

Sheryl Sandberg is the author of a new book that you’ve heard of if you’re connected enough to be reading this, promoted by one of those PR tsunamis that publishers inflict upon the public every year or two in hopes of recouping six- or seven-figure advances: Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead.

     She is also the chief operating officer of Facebook.

“Lean In,” we are told, is More Than Just a Book. It is a social movement. A way of life.

A happening.

“She is someone who works at Facebook,” moons Garance Franke-Ruta in The Atlantic. “Who leads Facebook. Who helped invent the Facebook we know today. Hers is a Facebook feminism.”

Yuck.

Comparing herself to Betty “The Feminine Mystique” Friedan, Sandberg wants her book to inspire “Lean In Circles” where women would meet to plot how to climb the corporate ladder and achieve gender parity in the boardroom. At their creepy gatherings, women will learn how to act more boldly, aggressively – more like men. Her idea of how men act, anyway.

Franke-Ruta again: “Sandberg is an unapologetic capitalist and senior manager who began her career in Washington, DC. She says she’s interested in seeing more women in leadership posts in corporate America and in the highest ranks of government. That means more women at the top, more women in positions of power, and more women who have the training and experience to lead within institutions actually getting a shot at doing – or daring to do – it.”

Visions of armies of women in beige blouses and dark safe corporate jackets marching through the streets of suburban office parks, chanting quotes from and waving copies of Sandberg’s manifesto, fill her dreams.

I think Sandberg is one of the most insufferable fools in the world of business. Which is saying something. But I don’t hate her for the same reasons as people like Maureen Dowd.

In the New York Times, columnist Dowd sums up Sandberg as a “PowerPoint Pied Piper in Prada ankle boots.” Such Dowdian snark, though cruel, is fair. Sandberg, after all, uttered a comment whose revealing immodesty would make Donald Trump blush: “I always thought I would run a social movement.”

Memo to SS: You don’t “run” a social movement. Lead it, maybe. If you’re lucky.

The Paper of Record asks the six- or seven-figure question:

“Even her advisers acknowledge the awkwardness of a woman with double Harvard degrees, dual stock riches (from Facebook and Google, where she also worked), a 9,000-square-foot house and a small army of household help urging less fortunate women to look inward and work harder. Will more earthbound women, struggling with cash flow and child care, embrace the advice of a Silicon Valley executive whose book acknowledgments include thanks to her wealth adviser and Oprah Winfrey?”

Oh, and her husband quit his job to mind the homestead. That’s convenient.

Still, Dowd et al’s argument that Sandberg’s wealth denies her the standing to issue advice to working women leaves me cold. It doesn’t matter who or what she is; either her ideas are smart and/or good for society or they’re not. A doctor who tells you to diet and exercise is giving you good advice even if she’s fat and smokes. Hell, I’m a dude yet I think I know better than Sandberg what’s better for women. For all I know, and many women agree, she gives good advice to ambitious women trying to climb the corporate ladder.

What grates about Sandberg, I think, is less the fact that a person born at mile 25 thinks she won the marathon because she worked so hard, than her failed attempt to elevate a self-help book to the level of politics.

Sandberg doesn’t know about politics. She doesn’t even know about identity politics.

Politics – debate and discussion about how we should live our lives and how to solve our problems after we have identified them – is hard. Very few people – including most politicians and elected officials – undertake the lifetime of thinking and research, or possess the magic of inspiration, it takes to come up with a transformative vision for an alternative future. The U.S. is tragically devoid of brilliant public intellectuals – our best and brightest political minds are ruthlessly censored and marginalized.

That’s real politics.

Then there’s identity politics.

Identity politics, the struggle by women, gays, ethnic minorities and so on against their privileged rivals in the economy and society, is a dead end. It’s tokenism. At best, movements based on identity politics grant special privileges to a tiny subset of traditionally oppressed demographic groups. Meanwhile, the overall hierarchical class structure remains intact.

It was moving, for example, to watch African-Americans celebrate the election of Barack Obama. Four and a half years later, however, not only can we see that the status of blacks remains the same as 2008 – harassed, arrested, shot and imprisoned at disproportionately high rates, discriminated against in the workplace, deprived of access to a high-quality education, their lifespans shortened by disease and poverty – Obama himself, supposed symbol of progress, doesn’t even talk about racial problems, much less try to fix them.

Everyone’s goal ought to be to liberate humanity from oppression. Identity politics distract from this struggle. They liberate no one.

What Sandberg advocates is even less worthwhile than identity politics.

Sandberg wants rat-race politics. Men, she argues, act like a bunch of testosterone-fueled jerks at work. She wants women to beat them at their own game.

“When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women,” writes Sandberg. “When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less…The solution is making sure everyone is aware of the penalty women pay for success. Recently at Facebook, a manager received feedback that a woman who reported to him was ‘too aggressive.’ Before including this in her review, he decided to dig deeper. He went back to the people who gave the feedback and asked what aggressive actions she had taken. After they answered, he asked point-blank, ‘If a man had done those same things, would you have considered him too aggressive?’ They each said no. By showing both men and women how female colleagues are held to different standards, we can start changing attitudes today.”

Man, I sure wouldn’t want to work at Facebook. It’s a lot more fun to work in an organization where no one – men or women – comes on too strong. Where people work as a team.

“Lean In” fails because Sandberg wants to accelerate the “race to the bottom” behavior that has become standard in American business and politics. She is not the solution to a problem.

She is a problem.

What we need to do is create a society in which everyone – men and women, gays and straights, whites and blacks, and so on – enjoys equal access to the good things in life. Whether like me you have concluded that capitalism, the idea that we are all created unequal, is evil and irredeemable, or you’d prefer to reform the system to make it more humane, replacing male assholes with female assholes gets us nowhere.

Rather than tell American women (or men) what to do, Sandberg would do better to consider her own role in making the United States a worse place to live.

She’s worse than a garden-variety “an unapologetic capitalist.” The virtual antithesis of Google’s “don’t be evil,” the company where she works has become one of the most culturally and economically destructive businesses in America by monetizing the death of a nation’s right to privacy. (This is worth, by one calculation, about $130 per user.) Facebook is so unaccountable that it doesn’t even provide a phone number for customer service. Now it’s emulating the reprehensible Arianna Huffington, attempting to accelerate the aggregation of what’s left of journalism outlets so essential to the health of civic life and democracy with its latest redesign of its News Feed.

Facebook is the face of the New Economy. It sucks $5 billion a year out of the U.S. economy, yet it puts almost nothing back in. It employs fewer than 4,000 Americans. (By way of comparison, GM—which generates less than twice as much as Facebook—employs more than 200,000 workers.)

Even if Sandberg is successful with her Lean In Circles, she will have accomplished the same thing as Facebook. She will have made a tiny privileged of elites richer—and 99% of America poorer.

(Ted Rall’s website is tedrall.com. His book “After We Kill You, We Will Welcome You Back As Honored Guests: Unembedded in Afghanistan” will be released in November by Farrar, Straus & Giroux.)

COPYRIGHT 2013 TED RALL

A Disgusting TV Ad in Favor of Gay Marriage

I am disgusted by a widely-publicized TV ad being aired by the Freedom to Marry Coalition, which is pushing for legalization of gay marriage.

“Freedom…that’s what I fought for as a marine,” says a young veteran who fought against the people of Iraq, using his warrior cred—and his Republicanism—to argue for the right of gays and lesbians to marry.

Personally, I’d rather that gays and lesbians lead the way to a better life for everybody—by urging straights to stop getting married and abandon the trap of monogamism, which causes untold misery and reinforces outmoded systems of patriarchy, hierarchy and capitalism. It is disturbing to watch homosexuals fight for the right for their own enslavement, much as it is sad to see women and gays struggle for the “right” to murder Iraqis, Afghans and other Muslims in their homelands by serving in the military.

Perhaps these arguments are too forward-looking.

But nobody should be OK with using the deaths of innocent Iraqis to promote gay rights.

Gay people are oppressed. So are Iraqis under U.S. occupation. Occupation by war criminals like the vet in this ad. How many Iraqis did he shoot at? Kill?

The people of Iraq need our support against the U.S. occupation. Oppressed peoples should support one another. This is a shameful ad.

Ted Rall: Political Cartooning: From Dead Trees to Live Wire: A Session at SXSW Interactive 2013

Political cartooning has been around since ancient Rome and is more popular with readers than ever before. Now that print media is being replaced with online distribution channels, however, they’re being left behind—and content-based websites are missing the chance to exploit this powerful mix of words and pictures. Cartoonist, author, ex-newspaper syndicate executive and occasional comix war correspondent Ted Rall explains how cartoons—not just political cartoons—can bring more eyeballs to your website and can be directly monetized.

Intro – About Me

I have been living and breathing cartooning my entire life. I started out with political cartoons, and that’s still my main gig, but I’m also a graphic novelist, illustrator, comics editor, commentator on the field of comics, and long-form comics journalist.

I have watched my world change.

I turned 50 years old this year, and when I was a kid, comics were everywhere. They were a huge business. The typical newspaper ran many pages of comics, which took off in newspapers 100 years ago under the sponsorship of the papers owned by William Randolph Hearst. Hearst knew comics brought in lots of readers. As a result, cartoonists became staggeringly rich. Milton Caniff, Al Capp and Charles Schulz were multi-millionaires. In fact, Charles Schulz is the nation’s second-richest dead person; his estate still brings in $28 million annually. To be admitted into the National Cartoonists Society during the 1950s, to be considered a professional, you had to be syndicated in at least 750 newspapers. Today, that’s the rough equivalent of netting $4 million per year – and that didn’t include merchandise or books. Now it’s unusual for any cartoonist to have more than 30 papers – net income about $20,000. By the year 2000, the average paper carried 26 daily comic strips and 5 gag panels (one panels, like The Far Side). Now it’s closer to 10 strips and 1 panel. The best cartoonists and potential cartoonists are quitting, or never going into cartooning in the first place.

Cartoons were, according to carefully-guarded internal surveys, often the first and in some cases the only thing that got read in the paper. Every newspaper employed a full-time staff editorial cartoonist, sometimes two or three. As of the late 1940s, mainstream papers like the New York Times had four full-time staff political cartoonists. Cartoons often appeared on the front page. Magazines like the Saturday Evening Post – long before my time – made a lot of money running cartoons. Collections of newspaper comics were often number-one bestsellers – this was mainly because comics were sold at the front of the store by the cash register. They were impulse purchases. Today you can’t even find them because they’re in the so-called “humor ghetto” in the back of the store on the second floor by the men’s room. Spine out.

During my life I have seen newspaper comics savaged by the death spiral of print media, comic books go from mass-market products that were sold in every gas station in America to a niche item sold in comic shops frequented by the pathetic and the fascinatingly obese. Political cartoons have been virtually eliminated to the point that today there are fewer than 10 truly viable full-time editorial cartoonists in the United States with a discernible future. (There were at least 600 when I was a kid.)

There have never been as many cartoons online, or as many readers – but the quality level is very low. Many are basically just memes. Memes are basically cartoons – really shitty ones. Professionalism is all but gone. So we’ve forgotten how good – and how powerful – comics can be.

Background

Cartoons go back, well, pretty much forever. The cave paintings at Lascaux were cartoons. There are obscene depictions of Roman officials – early political cartoons – on the walls at Pompeii. Print journalism is not going to die, but it is suffering a serious economic downturn due to the disruptive effect of the Internet, analogous to the way that radio suffered during the advent of TV – but remember, radio came back and is bigger than ever today. Similarly, print will never go away because it offers something that the Internet can’t. You can’t watch TV while you drive down the street, but you can listen to the radio; you can’t read your Kindle while the plane is taking off or about to land, but you can read anything you want on dead trees.

Not to mention, there is a big difference in reading retention. Studies have shown that we remember more of what we see and what we read in print than we do on a screen. But even if print were to go away – and there is no way that it will – comics would thrive online. Even today, barely 14 years into web 2.0, we see an emerging market in webcomics.

We have to define webcomics. Webcomics are not any different from newspaper comics. Webcomics are more of a sensibility than a medium. All comics are online, all comics attempt to sell merchandise, all comics attempt to engage directly with readers. “Webcomics” tend to be more of a slapdash affair than other comics, with lower standards of professionalism, zero barrier to entry, and tend to focus on niche markets of readers – videogame fans, sci-fi fans, in short, dork culture.

Which is fine. But brings me to¬—

The Death of Political Cartooning

Professional – i.e., high quality – editorial cartoonists haven’t been able to make the leap to the brave new world of online media. There are several reasons for this. First, we don’t have cute merchandisable recurring characters like Snoopy and Garfield.

Second, most political cartoonists have been stuck in the 1950s and 1960s, pretty much as lame as the political cartoon parodies in The Onion make them out to be. So they can’t relate to younger readers, i.e., those under 60. No one understands the old-fashioned metaphors: the Democrats as donkeys? Republicans as elephants? Uncle Sam? So cheesy. And what’s with those stupid labels?

Third, the culture of online gatekeepers – the editors and producers of websites like Salon, Slate, Atlantic Online and so on – is different from that of newspapers, magazines and other print media. Many online editors come out of coding and design culture, and/or the worlds of words, usually blogging. Sites like Huffington Post are designed as SEO bait: enticing headlines and carefully chosen keyword searches. For them, content isn’t king, but something that you have to put up with in order to get as many hits as possible in order to monetize them.

Now this is not a pity party. NPR has that market cornered. I’m not going to try to sell you on why graphic political satire is good for democracy, why it’s important to keep a uniquely American artistic tradition going, etc. Guilt is irrelevant. Money is relevant. Online magazines and blogs are leaving money on the table by excluding political cartoons from their mix.

To which you might ask –

How do you know?

First and foremost, we know that lots of other people – everyone but web magazines, blogs and apps – are making bank from comics. In 2012 the U.S. comic book industry made $330 million. Thanks to the 25 million e-comic books that were downloaded, the transition to digital was successful. Graphic novels generated $385 million. The five major comics syndication companies are private, so we don’t know their profits, but even with the current disruptions in the marketplace it’s a fair back-of-the-envelope guess to say that comics syndication generates about $50 million per year in revenues.

I know comics have unrealized potential because I’ve seen the internal data. I was editor of acquisitions and development at United Media, one of the big five syndicates that sells content to newspapers and magazines, between 2006 to 2009. When I was there, we ran extensive surveys comparing all the different types of content that that appeared at United’s website, comics.com. There were columns, feature articles, puzzles, comic strips, gag cartoons, serial cartoons, old cartoons, excerpts from books, animated cartoons, you name it. If it involved humor and/or prose, we had it and we compared it. We had content by big names, little names and everything in between.

And we found out some interesting things.

First, we learned that edgy content always has a higher chance of going viral and tracked higher and gained more reader loyalty than bland content. You could see right there why print media was in trouble, and it didn’t have anything to do with the Internet. (After all, circulation has been declining since the 1960s.) Some of the biggest names in comics, features with over 1000 clients, didn’t have any traction or audience online. People just didn’t care about them. Their audiences were wide but shallow. On the other hand, some of the wildest and craziest comic strips, things that editors of newspapers thought were too hip or too trendy to run, were consistently drawing huge numbers. Brooke McEldowney, did two strips, 9 Chickweed Lane and Pibgorn, that barely made a dent into papers. But they were weird and kind of dirty in a dirty-old-man kinda way, and his dirty old man readers would follow him anywhere.

Another really interesting take-away from my time at United was that political content tracked very high. This surprised us. Traditionally, political cartoons have always been the ugly stepsisters of the newspaper business. Comic strips were where the money was. In fact, a lot of editorial cartoonists, starting with Jeff MacNelly and Shoe, started drawing comic strips on the side in order to pay their bills.

But on the Internet it’s very different. We’ve seen memes go viral. But that’s just the beginning. The sweet spot, it turns out, is a political cartoon by a professional cartoonist, one whose brand/personality becomes known and thus part of the product, that responds to current events and does so quickly and using aggressive, edgy humor. Not only that, this kind of humor lends itself spectacularly well to mobile devices. Think about it: a big news story breaks right now. Within hours a funny, simple, trenchant cartoon about the event is shot out over social networks and other distribution channels. It’s easy to imagine everybody forwarding it to their friends.

Now before we go on, I need to explain the different types of cartoons. All of which can make you money.

Types

Political cartoons comment about politicians, political trends, social commentary, etc. If it’s on CNN or MSNBC or FoxNews, it’s something that a political cartoon might be interested in.

Graphic novels include both fiction and nonfiction, biography and autobiography, serious and inane. It’s a fancy term for really really big, usually perfect-bound, comic books. Often drawn by someone little bit more intelligent and a little hipper than the usual superhero comics.

Comics journalism is a new form. It’s where the cartoonist covers a story just like any other reporter word, but instead of just writing about it, he or she draws cartoons about it. Joe Sacco pioneered the form with books like Palestine and Safe Area Goradzne. My best-known book of comics journalism is called To Afghanistan and Back, the result of my 2001 trip to Afghanistan. I’ve got another one coming out this fall.

Newspaper comics include both strips and panels, although there are a lot more strips.

Webcomics are basically in the same format as newspaper comics, but make no attempt to appear in print and tend to be directed toward a different, more niche audience. Format is usually a strip rather than a panel, and they are as likely to be in serial continuity format – in other words, a continuing story – than a stand-alone piece.

Gag cartoons are single panel cartoons of the type that appear in the New Yorker.

Animated cartoons are cartoons that move. There are a lot of these on the web, although they haven’t really taken off for political cartoonists because of the reasons that we talked about before – editors and producers haven’t given them a chance.

Now me tell you about the money.

When blogs and other websites give cartoons good placement – when they give good cartoons good placement – they tend to do very well. Unfortunately, a lot of websites don’t know what they’re doing.

For example, I used to edit a cartoon roundup – a selection of the so-called best political cartoons of the week – for the Daily Beast, Tina Brown’s online magazine. When she ran it on Fridays above the so-called invisible fold – the bottom of the screen, not requiring anyone to scroll down – readership kept going up. Tina was so happy with the cartoon round-up that she came up with a stupid idea – using it to draw readers to places and times where they didn’t normally go. Her reasoning was that they would supposedly draw new readers, that readers would follow them. But that’s not how the Internet works. She moved them to Saturday, the slowest day of the week online, and then moved them below the invisible fold. It got to the point where they were so hard to find that I had to search for them myself. Then the numbers tumbled. She canceled the feature.

The liberal political blog Daily Kos, on the other hand, knows what it’s doing. They have a similar feature, and they play it up on their front page. And the numbers are great. They make so much money that they are even able to pay the cartoonists a respectable wage out of it. Which gives them a lot of credibility in the Democratic community.

So how do you make money with cartoons?

You can buy the right to use syndicated material for a song. In other words, you find cartoonists who are already producing cartoons, and pay them for the right to use those cartoons on your site.

Or you can commission original work. Obviously this is more expensive. However, you can see the advantage. If you have a website dedicated to a niche audience, you can enthrall them with comics they won’t find anywhere else about the stuff that they care about most. This is no different than what you would do with plain old words, except that people notice words less than they notice cartoons. Pictures attract readers. You can sell more ads. But that’s only the beginning.

If you have a personal relationship with a cartoonist, in other words, you are commissioning original work from a professional, high-quality cartoonist whose work is so engaging that it brings a lot of readers, you can sell merchandise, such as book collections of their work, through your site and share the proceeds. You can sponsor public presentations with the cartoonist – people love to watch cartoonists talk about and show their work – and sell tickets to see them. I have had as many as 1000 people pay $20 each to come and see me. Okay, that’s unusual, but it’s not at all unreasonable to have 200 people willing to pay that kind of money. And I’m not a superstar.

If you’re really ambitious, you can hire a cartoonist to produce “work for hire” – cartoons and characters that you either own in part or in whole. To get a good cartoonist to do this kind of thing – I do it for MAD Magazine – you have to pay well, maybe hire them full-time and include benefits. Why not? You hire writers, and they can’t possibly generate as much revenue as a cartoonist. Anyway, if you go the work-for-hire route, you can make millions by selling the movie rights. Hollywood is way crazy for the rights to graphic novels.

You can also use cartoons to draw attention to your existing features that might be performing OK but could do better. For example, if you have a columnist who is great but not generating enough page views, you could add a cartoon to the same page that will bring people to the column. Hopefully the content will be related so that the cartoon will be sticky in terms of bringing support to the writer. It’s all interrelated.

All we are talking about here is reinventing the old-fashioned profitable newspaper model of the mid-20th century. It was typical back then, when newspapers knew what they were doing because they were run by intelligent people, to run illustrations including caricatures and cartoons of all kinds – by the way, they do this in India today and they make lots of money doing it – to pair up words and drawings so that one draws attention to the other – no pun intended. In the Times of India, the biggest mass circulation English-language newspaper on earth, they hire cartoonists to illustrate news stories. How did the van accident happen? Let’s draw the screams of the dying motorists! The Taiwanese studio Next Media Animation has made a splash with animations about events like Tiger Woods’ spat with his angry wife. They’re only scratching the surface.

Finally, we need something invented. I don’t understand why it doesn’t exist yet. Surely someone here can put together a hackathon?

What we need is an ad-supported package for forwarding content around the Internet via email and SMS. Think about what happens now. Let’s say you read an article at NYTimes.com you think is interesting. Even if you are an online subscriber, that’s where the income to the New York Times begins and ends – $35 per month. A buck a day. For coverage that their reporters literally get kidnapped and killed over. Pathetic.

If you forward that article to 10 friends, and they each send it out to 10 friends and those send them out to 10 friends and so on and so on, the piece goes out to millions of people. Millions! But the New York Times never sees a single penny beyond that dollar a day.

That’s because their stuff goes out as a simple email. That’s insane! Those emails should be individually monetized.

By the way, we are talking about any kind of intellectual property that you want to see go viral. Not just newspapers. What we’re talking about is a frame with advertising embedded that is verifiable and auditable by advertisers. We should be able to determine how many people received that embeddable framed content, how many people saw it as it was repeatedly forwarded. And obviously how many people clicked on the accompanying ads. The Onion gets 7.5 million uniques a month. They can monetize that. But what about the millions of people who get the forwarded emails?

I understand why this isn’t standard.

Now imagine adding a cartoon, a political cartoon or something else, to your web magazine, blog, app, whatever. Someone likes it, forwards it, and it goes viral. You can sell those 20 million views, the ones that you never would’ve been able to monetize otherwise.

Let me leave you with a big fucking “Duh.”

The Web is a visual medium. Words plus pictures. You already know graphic interface is important. You wouldn’t create a website without photos. Well, then, why wouldn’t you have cartoons too?

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