This Bearded Hipster Is The New CEO of Twitter. Probably.

Originally published by ANewDomain.net:

Jack Dorsey, the corporate hipster who is now running Square, looks like he is likely the next CEO of Twitter. As such he will be first major head of an American corporation to wear a serious Nebuchadnezzar beard.

The beard even has its own parody account, @dorseysbeard.

At age 38 — nearly a decade after maximum hiring age in Silicon Valley — Jack Dorsey would face a daunting challenge were he to accept Twitter’s offer to return to the company he helped found.

new ceo of twitter or just a beardDorsey is currently running Twitter as interim head, and has made no progress yet on the shockingly difficult puzzle of how to monetize billions of brainfarts under 140 characters.

Confirming his interest in the job, Dorsey said this to the tech news site Re/Code, which, strangely, is still in business at this writing:

I’m as committed as ever to Square and its continued success. I’m Square C.E.O. and that won’t change.”

Yeah, right. If Dorsey was definitely rejecting the offer, he would have said: “I am not coming to Twitter. Period.” That is why he is the next CEO of Twitter. And I said that in just 42 characters. But back to the beard …

Dorsey’s beard may be a xenomorph.

Dorsey’s beard is nothing short of xenomorphic, I think. It has appeared in several forms. It appeared first in non-existent form.

jack dorsey new ceo of twitter?

 

There’s also a midrange professorial version:

jack dorsey new ceo of twitter?

 

Now, according to The New York Times and every other biz journal imaginable and with photos, too, Dorsey’s beard has achieved full Portland-cum-Williamsburg status. Witness:

jack dorsey new ceo of twitter?

Need a little more? Why not? Here is Jack Dorsey just the other day, appearing on CNBC:

jack dorsey new ceo of twitter? on cnbc

At the rate this crazy beard is going, if the techdouche thing doesn’t work out, Dorsey will qualify for membership in the radical Islamist group ISIS.

Or with the Amish. Who wants to be the next CEO of Twitter anyway?

amish man with a red beard or the new ceo of twitter?

Sources on Wall Street and in Silicon Valley say Dorsey stands to become the first owner of a credible hipster beard to become the chief executive of a major American company in memory. Sources are sometimes right, I’ve found.

Hipsters are not hip, by the way.

For the uninitiated, 2015-era hipsters are not “hip,” as the hippies of the 1960s and 1970s called it. Nor are they hipsters in the Jack Kerouac vein.

No. Modern hipsters are dorks, geeks and low-rent careerists whose well-off parents pay their overpriced rents in the slums of Portland, Brooklyn, San Francisco and other cities where they tend to gather in bars and cafés with one-word names like “bar” and “café.”

Dorsey was asked about his beard on CNBC.

“People shouldn’t be measured by what they look like,” Dorsey replied. He is evidently unfamiliar with visual media, not to mention two million years of human evolution.

jack dorsey's mom tweet about the beard new ceo of twitter“Not a fan of the beard,” Dorsey’s mom Marcia tweeted.

But Mashable, which Dorsey likely reads more than his mom’s Twitter feed, loves it:

“Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey sparks shock and awe with lush corporate beard,” said Mashable, which is strangely also still in business as of this writing, oohing, and partially ahhing.

Asked for comment via Twitter direct message, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi has not gotten back to us.

new ceo of twitter? or a bubba with a beard?Neither have the fabled Bubbas with Beards.

And we’re worried about that.

What if, like everyone else, he’s moved on to Instagram? Weirder things obviously have happened.

Brian Williams Is Back: Will You Ever Believe Him Again?

Originally published by ANewDomain.net:

Brian Williams was earning $10 million a year as an anchor for NBC News, where his primary responsibility was mainly reading the news off a prompter. He lost this fat job six months ago, when he was suspended for lying about what happened to him as an embedded war reporter in Iraq. Now Williams is back. He has been demoted, in the network’s eyes certainly, because he returns not as an anchor at NBC but as a reporter on MSNBC. But in reality, he’s in more of a journalistic role. At MSNBC he’ll actually be reporting and interpreting news.

Two questions: Will anyone notice? And will anyone believe anything he reports now?

One thing is certain. Brian Williams and his “misremembered” false memory about being shot down during the 2003 U.S. invasion of Iraq speaks volumes about all of us.

brian williams is back not at NBC but at MSNBC

Drone Attack Cut Back: AF Blames Burned Out Drone Operators

Originally published by ANewDomain.net:

Drone operators are burning out, so the Air Force is cutting back on attacks even as Pentagon and CIA officials demand more strikes against the people of Iraq, Syria and Yemen. Armed surveillance drones will only fly 60 times a day by October from a recent peak of 65 as it responds to the attrition of crew members. More drone pilots are worn down by the work than they can train.
ted rall

Baby Boomers, Please Retire

Originally published by ANewDomain.net:

Baby Boomers, Generation Xers like me want you to retire. Millennials will really need you to retire.

But in a recent survey, boomers overwhelmingly said no dice. They feel too healthy or worry they are too financially insecure to retire at the traditional age of 65.

Won’t you please retire anyway, Boomers? Make some room, for once …

baby boomers please retire

Online Dating: The Last Bastion of Racism in America

Originally published by ANewDomain.net:

Online dating is a lonely, disgusting holdout. It is the last bastion of brazen, unfiltered racism in America.

From OKCupid to Yahoo! Personals to Match, digital romance sites and apps do something that’s become socially unacceptable everywhere else, except for maybe a Klavern meeting: Discriminate against other people because of their race. It’s as easy as point-and-click. You don’t like African-Americans? Filter them out of your searches. Poof! No more blacks!

This, in the world of Internet dating, is considered perfectly adorable behavior. Online dating racism runs rampant.

online dating racismThe dating section of Craigslist doesn’t allow filtering. Nevertheless, the racists run wild there, too. “No African-Americans,” people write in their posts, as though MLK and Rosa Parks and Malcolm X had never lived, and civil rights never moved.

Craigslisters can flag posts to be removed but, judging from the fact that many of these posts are weeks old, few do. It is just one of those “no offense, just my preference” — they say that! — kinda things.

Oh, I can hear you coming. Dating sites are just serving their customers! Giving the people what they want!

To which I would ask you: Where else are racists allowed to freely express their rancid 19th-century excuses for opinions?

Not at work, that’s for sure. Public opinion, not to mention a raft of Very Serious Federal Laws, require the boss who just doesn’t like blacks, no offense, just his preference, to not only shut the fuck up, but not give the slightest hint of prejudice.

If you don’t want blacks to move into your neighborhood or apartment building, again, you are more than welcome to keep those thoughts to yourself because (a) it’s illegal to discriminate in housing and (b) everyone would hate you.

Nor in what the law defines as “public accommodation.” Run a bar or restaurant? Welcome all comers or get sued out of business. Work at a fancy boutique on Madison Avenue? Better buzz in that black guy in the hoodie just as fast as you do the white dude in the suit, or you’ll have the city’s newspapers, Al Sharpton and a couple of government agencies way up your ass.

This is all as it should be. You are entitled to be racist. You are not entitled to express your racism in a way that hurts its victims.

What’s that you say — that just because you’re not attracted to members of a race, doesn’t make you racist? Actually, it does. By definition. If you don’t see people of different races as sexual equals, if you think they’re ugly — no offense, just my preference — if the thought of rolling around naked licking the skin of a generic member of Race A is more distasteful than doing the same exact thing with a generic member of Race B, then yeah, you’re racist like Bull Connor and Donald Sterling and David Duke.

online dating racismThere’s no controversy about this in the scientific community. One way sociologists measure racism is to examine the prevalence of interracial dating and marriage in a society. For example, Japan is famously homogenous, has a low rate of what they used to call “miscegenation,” and has a big problem with racial discrimination.

Though there have been increases in interracial marriage rates in the United States in recent years, there is a higher rate of marriages between whites and Asians than between whites and blacks, which reflects the fact that Asians have been more successfully integrated into “mainstream” white-dominant culture than blacks.

The result? Asian-Americans are less likely than blacks to get shot by cops, to be turned down for a job because of their race, to get a long prison sentence for a crime, or to be poor. In fact, Asian-white couples earn more than Asian-Asian or white-white couples.

Dating racism reflects societal racism. On OKCupid, for example, African-American women — a low-status, low-income demographic that disproportionately suffers discrimination — receive by far the lowest number of responses when they contact men of other races, even though they send the highest number of messages.

I assume that companies are catering to racist online daters because no one has ever brought this up before and that, once they realize that they’re enabling some of the most-hurtful and disgusting discrimination around, a variety of bigotry that literally says “you are so gross, I could never love you” to millions of people, they’ll take the 10 or 15 minutes necessary to delete those racial filters — and flag those offensive posts.

Well, there. I’ve brought it up.

On Sacked Nobel Laureate Tim Hunt: The Trouble with Being PC

Originally published by ANewDomain.net:

Want to know when political correctness crosses the line from noble social justice war to unfair censorship? When someone gets fired for saying something unrelated to their job.

That is clearly the case with Tim Hunt, a 72-year-old Nobel Prize-winning biochemist who was forced to resign from his post as an honorary professor at University College London after he brainfarted some sexist comments at a scientific conference in South Korea.

“Let me tell you about my trouble with girls,” Hunt said.

“Three things happen when they are in the lab: You fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticize them they cry.”

Social media went crazy, and that’s fine: a Two Minutes Hate is exactly what Twitter is for.

And, to be charitable, what Hunt said was stupid. You don’t have to fall in love with your female colleagues. It is, or it should be possible, to note silently and with a pokerface said colleague’s hotness, and then get back to work. But, really. Can’t we open our minds a little?

tim hunt nobel photo wiki ted rall opinionWhat Tim Hunt said isn’t that terrible: After all, people do hook up at work, and you’d have to be an idiot to argue that women don’t cry more than men. Plus, Tim Hunt is 72. Not old old, but old enough not to know the finer points of political correctness.

In context, Hunt’s words, though archaic, are harmless. And Hunt was an honorary professor. He didn’t run a lab. And he was in no position to hire or fire anyone — specifically, he wasn’t in a position to hire or fire any women.

If free speech means anything, it guarantees the right to mouth off about whatever, without having to worry about having your career trashed — especially when what you mouthed off about isn’t even related to the job you stand to lose.

I feel this stuff personally. After 9/11, when my political cartoons were controversial because they opposed Bush and his wars, I didn’t fault the newspapers, like The Washington Post and New York Times, that dropped me. The editors were cowards, yes, but they had that right.

But when Men’s Health, which didn’t run my political work, got rid of my cartoons about men, sex and relationships, now that pissed me off.

On the other side of the coin from the Tim Hunt case are those of former LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling and ex-Harvard president Lawrence Summers.

don sterling la clippers owner former ownerSterling and Summers’ remarks were far more offensive than Hunt’s comments.

Summers, the ex Harvard honcho, said women don’t have the “intrinsic aptitude” for science and engineering.

And former LA Clippers owner Sterling told his girlfriend that her other (black) boyfriends weren’t welcome at his (supposedly public) games: “You can sleep with (black people). You can bring them in, you can do whatever you want …the little I ask you is … not to bring them to my games.”

lawrence summers harvard ex harvard presidentSummers was forced down and Sterling was pushed out, and that’s fine. As president of the most prestigious university in the United States, Summers held power over thousands of women faculty, staff and students. How could they work for him, knowing that he thought they were stupid?

And, more importantly, how can Summers, the now-former president of Harvard, be so stupid as to think that women are dumb at math? On the grounds of low intellect alone, he deserved to get canned.

As for Sterling, he owned a professional NBA team. Many professional basketball players are black, as are many of its fans. It would have been an abomination to continue to allow a racist to own a team whose stars included many African-Americans — all of whom would have to wonder if they were being discriminated against by their boss.

This is neither the first time nor the last time we will see this, but it must be said: The sacking of Tim Hunt is something that politically correct Internet “warriors” ought to be ashamed of.

Trainer Troops in Iraq? Doomed to Failure

Originally published by ANewDomain.net:

President Obama is deploying 450 troops, trainers of Iraqi soldiers, back to Iraq. To fight ISIS this time. The media says this sort of half-measure, neither big enough to make a difference but not nothing, either, reflects the wisdom of compromise. Because “both sides” will criticize.

Both sides are right. It’s a stupid move doomed to failure.

Dumb Two Ways iraq trainer troops

SYNDICATED COLUMN: Healthcare Insurance Pigs Soaking Americans With Secret 20%-40% Rate Increases on Obamacare

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This is what happens when you trust free markets.

You probably heard that the Supreme Court rejected the latest legal challenge to the Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, a.k.a. The Great Transfer of Taxpayer Dollars to Scumbag Health Insurance Companies. That news broke during a major news day.

What you likely missed, because it came out on July 3rd when everyone was driving to the beach or flying somewhere fun for their Independence Day weekend getaways instead of paying attention to the news, was that the ACA is tanking. That’s why you have me: to read depressing tidbits about America’s decline, and to annoy Obamabots with another I-told-you-so.

When Obama resurrected 1993’s benighted Hillarycare scheme, I warned that there were two major problems with this convoluted hybrid of government-managed healthcare and for-profit healthcare.

First, the Affordable Care Act kept the insurance companies in business. Aetna, United Healthcare and the other big insurers are a huge drain on the system, sucking out billions in profits and driving up costs. Profitmaking has no place in healthcare, which is a basic human right, like air and water. Air and water are free; healthcare should be free too. But that’s the opposite of what drives health insurers: they want to give you as little care as possible while charging you as much as possible.

Second, the ACA diminished Americans’ zeal for socialized medicine, the standard in the developed world. “In legislation no bread is often better than half a loaf,” Robert La Follette, the Wisconsin Progressive of the late 19th and early 20th centuries, pointed out. “Half a loaf, as a rule, dulls the appetite, and destroys the keenness of interest in attaining the full loaf.” I wrote last year: “In 2007, before Obama and his ACA came along, 54% of Americans favored single-payer. Now, thanks to a system that’s better than nothing but not nearly good enough, it’s down to 37%. Hillary Clinton is endorsing Obamacare, and has officially come out against single-payer.”

Now that the public has had a chance to use and pay for Obamacare, support for single-payer is back up to 50%.

Back to that story that broke on the deadest news day of the year. From The New York Times: “Health insurance companies around the country are seeking rate increases of 20% to 40% or more, saying their new customers under the Affordable Care Act turned out to be sicker than expected…Blue Cross and Blue Shield plans — market leaders in many states — are seeking rate increases that average 23 percent in Illinois, 25 percent in North Carolina, 31 percent in Oklahoma, 36 percent in Tennessee and 54 percent in Minnesota, according to documents posted online by the federal government and state insurance commissioners and interviews with insurance executives.”

Did your paycheck go up 20%, much less 40%, in the last year? I didn’t think so.

The proper reaction to this disgusting move — remember, we’re talking about a for-profit corporate sector that rakes in billions of dollars a month and pays its CEOs millions of dollars a year — is to line up the executives responsible against a wall and shoot them full of holes, then deny the healthcare claims of any who survive just because, as the rest of us routinely experience.

Since that would be illegal, however, the second-best approach should be to shame the bastards relentlessly on social media, until they’re forced to go join ISIS because people would subject them to Two Minute Hates wherever they go. (Not to say that ISIS, which provides free healthcare, would want these human turds either.)

This is where one naturally turns to political leadership. Surely the President of the United States, a.k.a. He For Whom Obamacare Is Named, will crack down on these insurance pirates?

Not so much. Obama “said that consumers should put pressure on state insurance regulators to scrutinize the proposed rate increases. If commissioners do their job and actively review rates, he said, ‘my expectation is that they’ll come in significantly lower than what’s being requested.'”

No doubt the healthcare industry itself, which rakes in billions each year from their new involuntary customers, hears our anger.

Not so much. Marinan Williams, CEO of the Scott & White Health Plan in Texas, which applied for a 32% rate hike, says: “Over the next three years, I hope, rates will start to stabilize.” How about we “stabilize” her salary at 32% less than she gets now?

How’s your interest in the “full loaf” — single-payer socialized medicine — now?

(Ted Rall, syndicated writer and the cartoonist for The Los Angeles Times, is the author of the book “Snowden,” the first biography of NSA whistleblower Edward J. Snowden. It is in graphic novel form, and will publish August 18th. You can subscribe to Ted Rall at Beacon.)

COPYRIGHT 2015 TED RALL, DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM

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