Support Ted’s Work

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Ted Rall

and don’t come back
posted by TheDon

A local station is reporting that two-sport star Michael Vick is about to take a leave of absence. Nobody is sure if the leave will be paid or unpaid, or who forced the issue, but they are reporting it as a done deal. I have been predicting that Vick will never play for the Falcons again, and this is probably the first step towards kicking him off the team. The image of Vick throwing puppies to the ground as hard as he can to kill them has completed the fall from grace for this athlete who was embraced by the whole city 6 years ago.

He won’t be missed. This story, with the revelations about the extensive involvment of professional athletes and musicians in this vicious gutter sport, has made me rethink my attitude towards professional sports. I have been able to smother my concern over the upside-down societal priorities which make people who can throw and hit balls fabulously wealthy, but keep the people who teach our children in poverty. It’s the whole modern gladiator thing, where we cheer for our local heroes – I get that. But I think I’ve reached the tipping point. At least for now, I’m through with the NFL, NBA, MLB, NHL, etc. I’m sending them packing from my house, and asking them to not come back.

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Ted Rall

Sunday Funnies
posted by TheDon

Meat The Press
The NIE on the terrorist threat to the “homeland”. Director of National Intelligence Admiral Mike McConnell.
Admiral Mike says the most serious threat facing our country is that plotters who are being observed will be successful penetrating our defenses and completing an attack. Either chemical, biological, radiological or nuclear. WOW! That really narrows it down. Thanks Mike! We don’t face suiciders here because we have erected barriers. Or our erections have barriers. Or something. He seems quitely proud.
Daaaaaamn! He just mentioned Al-Qaeda plotting against us “in their safe haven in Pakistan”. Was he supposed to say that? The “Bush Doctrine” says we have to attack Pakistan now, doesn’t it? He also understands the difference between strategic warnings and tactical warnings. How the HELL did this guy get into this administration? He worried that there are “sleeper cells” in the US but doesn’t know.
Timmeh asks why, one year after an NIE said AQ was ineffective and scattered, a new NIE says they are a grave threat to our country. Doesn’t mention that we have killed 29/30s of AQ leadership, according to John Stewart. Admiral Mike mentions the safe haven in Pakistan again. Ok, I get it. He says that Pakistan reached a political agreement with AQ leaders instead of “pushing them out”. This is the new talking point that you have to kill, kill, kill, bomb, bomb, bomb everyone. It’s a new scapegoating technique. He leaves out the part where Pakistan tried “pushing them out” and failed miserably, then decided to deal with them politically to save the government which controls the nukes. I know… details…
Timmeh asks why we haven’t captured OBL. Admiral Mike goes with “it’s hard to capture an individual”. Leaves out “we weren’t really trying.” Timmeh asks if capturing OBL is worth the probable loss of the Musharref government. Admiral Mike doesn’t buy the scenario. Praises our “strong ally, valuable ally” Pervey.
Timmeh asks about the new, improved torture memo. Admiral Mike demurs, says the US doesn’t engage in torture. Same lie, different day. Says he was horrified by Abu Garhib, but must not be bothered by waterboarding. Won’t address a direct question on waterboarding. Mentions doctors being involved in decisions, and supervising, says we don’t “torture”. Interestingly claims people don’t face heat and cold. That sounds like a lie. It still comes down to the definition, doesn’t it. Bastards. Says they “cause uncertainty”, forcing someone to talk to them. Yeah, they are uncertain if they are about to die. By definition, that’s torture.
Timmeh brings up the NIE assessment that the Iraq war is a great recruitment tool for AQ. Admiral Mike doesn’t disagree, but tries to muddy the waters. Brings up Anbar, as always. This really plays into the “we’re fighting AQ” argument. Timmeh asks about that, and Admiral Mike almost tells the truth. Almost. Timmeh keeps pressing on the deceptive claims that we are mostly fighting AQ over there. Admiral Mike almost agrees, but still pushes AQ as an instigator.
Timmeh brings up an interview where Admiral Mike called the Cheney administaion a bunch of political hacks who cooked the intelligence and ended up with a disaster. I’m not making that up. Admiral Mike acknowledges it, then goes after the Cheney/Feith connection. Daaaaaaaaamn. They let this guy on the teevee? And by “they” I mean the administration and the network. This is surprising. He stops short of saying that the intelligence was hyped, but just barely.
Good stuff.
And now my choice for President, Senator Russ Feingold. In. My. Dreams.
Feingold thinks congress will stop the war. From his lips… He’s encouraged by recent activities. Little Russ asks Senator Russ if he’s afraid that withdrawal will lead to cataclysmic violence and genocide. Senator points out the current situation, which includes cataclysmic violence and genocide. Goes with “we leave, the other players will get involved out of self-interest, and help stabilize when the occupation is over.”
Feingold is going to do something serious – push a censure resolution. Sigh. How about something VERY serious? ITMFA! Timmeh points out that the last censure resolution died with only 4 aye votes. Senator Russ says that one stopped the illegal wiretapping program. Feingold isn’t ready to tie up the Senate with impeachment. It can’t be any more of a waste than the current state of affairs.
Round table. Jeebuz. A couple of idiots (Bob Woodward, David Brooks) and Stephen Hayes. This could be a fast-forward-fest. I’ll skip the Republican talking points when possible.
Money quote from BoBo, speaking of Bush,”You might think that’s strong leadership, you might think that’s deranged.” I’m pretty sure it’s not “strong leadership” when you haven’t seen 30% support in HOW LONG?, and your party got spanked in the last election. So BoBo actually got one right!
Blah-blah-blah about Cheney and about how this administration views the Iraq war. Nothing new here, except Cheney has figured out that the insurgency wasn’t in its last throes.

Fawkes News

Fran Townsend (Bush’s Homeland Security Advisor). I’m going to skip right over this lying shill.I watched her lie all week, don’t need any more.
“Democrats see political advantage in the Threat Assessment.” Guess that’s the fair and balanced view. If you’re a partisan hack. Evan Bayh and Kit Bond to debate whether Iraq is part of the War on Terra. That’ll save some viewing time as well.
Panel Time!
Cat fight between Elizabeth Edwards and Senator Clinton – I’ll pass.
The Pentagon attacks Senator Clinton in a disgusting, dishonest, partisan way. Smug Kristol smirks his way through a “serious proposal to have a debate between the spouses”. Juan scores a three-pointer immediately with “you have to include Jerri Thompson, the trophy wife.” He’s normally heroic on Sunday, and this one doesn’t look like it will disappoint. He then defends the Senate’s right to oversight. Sadly, this isn’t done nearly often enough.
Turning to Republicans, when will Fred declare? It makes Brit smile, but I’ve read good reasons that he is legally required to start reporting donations. Brit jumps to “pro-choice Fred’s” defense. Whores are allowed to sell it to anyone with money. Mara thinks it’s no big deal, I think she’s wrong. This will be pushed by the “true conservative” crowd. Juan points out that “none of the above” is winning in R polls.
The fillibuster by the Republicans – theater or principled stand? Brit seems thoughtful, almost admiring. Odd. Chris Wallace seems puzzled that Harry Reid was unwilling to give political cover to Republicans and Bush. Mara seems to share his puzzlement. Kristol is idiotic as always. Actually says that in one FU, when the war has turned around, Democrats will be crucified for voting against the war just as it was starting the turnaround. It’s sweet how much he cares about the Democratic presidential candidates. Then takes time to go after YearlyKos. Juan points out that what Kristol calls “left” is the center. Nice. Kristol comes out for staying in Iraq 4evah. Again. Juan comes out for actually going after AQ and (a little strangely) the Taliban.
Brit thinks that there will be notable military progress to report in September. Says we’re winning. Juan points out that Hume has been saying the same thing for years. Brit claims that this time it’s really, really, really true. Just like every other time he’s claimed that he’s one shovelful from the pony.
Power Player: Richard Branson.
Curtain

This Weak

Not on this week because of the British Open. So if you really want some elitism with a pinch of racism you won’t entirely miss out.

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Ted Rall
ITMFA – Imperial Presidency edition
posted by TheDon
We’ve all marvelled at the Cheney administration’s dismissive attitude towards the legislative branch. Glenn Greenwald points out that this is just the tip of the unconstitutional iceberg. He has sussed out the strategery being used to run the clock out until January, 2009. It’s two pronged, with the first prong being a delaying tactic – don’t cooperate with investigations, stop the prosecution of your own gang members:

(the Cheney administration) has the power to block the Justice Department, and its U.S. Attorneys, from criminally prosecuting Executive Branch employees who refuse to comply with Congressional subpoenas, notwithstanding a statute enacted by the American people through their Congress requiring such prosecution where Congress issues a contempt citation.

The second part hasn’t gotten any real attention, even among the people most alarmed by the Unitary Executive Theory. They don’t think they are subject to the rulings of the Judicial branch either:

The great unanswered question of the Bush administration has been, and continues to be, whether, upon losing a judicial battle, they would explicitly claim the right to defy the judicial order on the ground that the order exceeds proper judicial authority.

…

Always lurking at the core of these radical assertions of executive power is the belief that they can defy court orders due to the claimed “constitutional limitations on the judicial power.”

We have known for a long time that this administration would stonewall Congress and lie to it, so it was no surprise when they showed a strong commitment to that philosophy. We now know that even after years-long court battles end with rulings against them, they will not be bound by our court system. The only way to remove this cancer is (all together now)
ITMFA!

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Ted Rall
TGIF – You-Know-Who edition
Posted by TheDon
As usual, this week was full of grim news, maddending news, and news which is sadly unsurprising. There were, however, some stories which were happy, or at least gave us hope for the future. Harry Reid pulled the Defense Appropriations Bill. Michael Vick was indicted. We’ve apparently killed 29/30s of Al-Qaeda leadership. The last installation of Potter-mania comes out. SPOILER ALERT: the wizard did it.

So in honor of some of the top stories, I made a yellow drink. Use it to toast the news story of your choice. And don’t give away your stickiness.

The Golden Snitch
or
Piss on Vick
or
The Cheney Stripe

Fill a double old-fashioned glass halfway with ice
Add 3 oz vodka
Pour in 2 oz Galliano (Don’t stir, just watch; it’s a lovely effect.)

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Ted Rall

Attention non-virgins: you’re nothing but a used-up linty piece of tape
Posted by Mikhaela Reid

Saw this in the NY Times a few days ago:

“You have to look at why sex was created,” Eric Love, the director of the East Texas Abstinence Program, which runs Virginity Rules, said one day, the sounds of Christian contemporary music humming faintly in his Longview office. “Sex was designed to bond two people together.”

To make the point, Mr. Love grabbed a tape dispenser and snapped off two fresh pieces. He slapped them to his filing cabinet and the floor; they trapped dirt, lint, a small metal bolt. “Now when it comes time for them to get married, the marriage pulls apart so easily,” he said, trying to unite the grimy strips. “Why? Because they gave the stickiness away.”

Huh? More on this from Feministing.

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Ted Rall

Why I Don’t Care

Saturday’s cartoon “Profile of a Suicide Bomber” prompted pro-genocide, fascist racist blogger Michelle Malkin to launch into one of her whiny pro-censorship tirades. It’s a fairly straightforward cartoon; I was reading a list of character traits ascribed to Muslim suicide bombers and was taken by the obvious similarities to traits required to serving in the military: blind obedience to authority, religiosity, etc. Both the suicide bombers and the soldiers are victims of a vicious con: die for someone else’s benefit, without questioning whether the sacrifice is worth it (which, in the case of the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq, it isn’t). Here’s what Malkin had to say:

Rall is beyond contempt. He has accused our troops of being murderers for Halliburton*, mocked soldiers as sexual deviants**, and derided the late Pat Tillman as an “idiot” and “sap”***. Now, all in one cartoon, he shows his naked contempt for the very traits of the American soldier that helped give birth to this country and secured it for 231 years: willingness to sacrifice, faith, courage, respect for the commander-in-chief****, and determination to complete their mission.

*Her point is…?
**Only the soldiers who shove flashlights up Muslim asses in de Sade-ian dungeons at Abu Ghraib and Bagram and Gitmo and and pee on them and rape them.
***It’s since become evident that Tillman was no idiot. Sap, however, applies to anyone who jointed the armed forces after 9/11, when Bush made clear that he had no intention of defending the U.S. or going after the murderers of 9/11.
****Why on earth would anyone respect Bush? His own father doesn’t. But anyway…

Nothing unusual there. Her fawning fanboy blogger allies, apparently under the delusion that they have a shot at scoring with this “hottie” (ewwww!) if they parrot her every outburst, formed a glorious online pile-on. Again, nothing new.

What caught my eye during the past few days, mixed into the usual urine stream of inarticulate outrage at anyone who questions the fucked-up racket of jingoism and militarism, threats of violence and death against yours truly (aren’t these the same folks who criticized Muslims for their violent reactions to the Danish Mohammed cartoons?), was the wonderment at the fact that I don’t seem to be bothered by their anger at me. Why doesn’t Rall care?

A few choice samples of comments from a typical Republican blog. I’m only including a few because there isn’t enough room on my server to handle it all:

Anyone who whips his ass will be a hero. I’d be glad to post the video
I’m thinking Ted Rall is a jihadi delight! One of the 72 smooth virgins.
60 years ago Ted Rall would be charged with treason and be sitting in a tent in the 120 degree heat of Arizona right now. One more reason they were the “Greatest Generation”. Our generation is weak and we deserve what we are getting.
You mean to tell me this bitch has been drawing since he was 17, and he still sucks that badly? Wow
Remember the guy from Seattle who crapped on the American flag? Maybe someday I can do that on Ted Rall’s grave.
I’m not defending Ted Rall by any stretch of the imagination, but something has gone very wrong with this guy’s head. I would like to ask him that question as I’m kicking his ass.

Actually, I’m relieved that these uneducated morons hate me. Who’d want these violent closeted homosexual lunatics to like them? I’d have to double security at my book signings.

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Ted Rall

ITMFA – Stop the War edition
posted by TheDon

I’ve been working late nights finishing my pirated Harry Potter book completing some research for work, so it was nice to have the company when the lesser known Harry pulled an all-nighter. The Democrats want to illustrate the fact that Republicans won’t let any real bills come to the Senate floor, and the media generally won’t call the Republicans on it. The Democrats have a point, of course, but only to a point.
Republicans can keep you from voting for a good bill, but they can’t make you vote for a bad bill. Any money you spend on this war is YOUR fault. You won’t be able to pass a bill stopping the war explicitly, but you don’t have to send The Decider any more money, either.
This, of course, won’t stop the war. A couple of signing statements here, some money shuffling there, and this administration will “decide” to keep fighting. They’ll shut down some children’s insurance programs, some medical benefits, whatever, but they will keep fighting.
Then you will have the rock-solid impeachment case you seem to be looking for. If you won’t impeach him for any of the hundred reasons you already have, you would have to impeach him for spending money on an unfunded and deeply unpopular war. You’ll be praised in history books for all time for stopping this blood-thirsty, power hungry gang of criminals.
Or you could keep playing co-consipirator. ITMFA.

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Ted Rall

Sunday Funnies
posted by TheDon

I have to admit I’m looking forward to today’s viewings. So many stories and developments this week, it has to be good, doesn’t it? Well, doesn’t it?

Meat The Press

We start with what has become almost extinct – a head-to-head! Jim Webb vs Huckleberry Graham. This shouldn’t even be close.
W says Congress shouldn’t be running the war.
Webb says it’s not a war, it’s an occupation, and a failed one at that. Says that everything he and his buddies warned about has come true. He came ready for a fight.
Q: are you trying to wrest control of the war from the president?
Webb talks about checks and balances, and about protecting the military from an idiot in command.
Graham is asked about Lugar and Warner wanting a re-authorization. He’s not buying it – that’s the old strategy and ineffective – the new strategy has been “enormously effective”. This is a global struggle, bin Laden called it the Third World War, so we have to play by his (bin Laden’s) rules. Al Qaeda is coming to Iraq to destroy this young democracy. This is a gigantic global struggle between moderation and extremists. I’m guessing we’re the “moderates”, and that’s fair, if you ignore the fact that we overthrew the Afghani and Iraqi governments, and occupy both countries. Kidnap and torture people. Kill civilians at will. Stuff like that.
Putting operational control in the Senate is a “mistake for the ages”.
The Webb ammendment is brought up – an attempt to force the military to give soldiers home time, including the National Guard. Webb differentiates between his position and Murtha’s. Web flashes some impressive credentials and defends it vigorously. Mentions that Huckleberry wants to stay in 5 to 10 more years, and that you need to control deployments to accomplish that.
Webb brings up the recently disclosed info that half of the foreign fighters in Iraq are from Saudi Arabia. Which is NOT Iran, but could be argued as al Qaeda.
Huck again comes out against congress having input into operations and minimizes the effects of too many deployments. Maximizes the effects of the “surge”. Anbar is shown as a sterling success again. It’s like they don’t think we use the google, and we won’t bring this up after the next fall of Anbar province.
Timmeh points out that Huck doesn’t trust the Iraqi government, so why ask American men and women to go over there and fight for them? Huck says it’s in our national interest to make sure that AQ doesn’t have a safe haven. Timmeh cuts him off and smacks him DOWN!
Where’s Timmeh, and who is this imposter?
Timmeh says “but you keep mentioning AQ. Let me go back to the director of the CIA, Michael Hayden, again from the Post. (he) catalogued what he saw as the main sources of vilence in this order: the insurgency, sectarian strife, criminality, general anarchy, and, lastly AQ. Though Haden had listed AQ as the fifth most pressing threat in Iraq, Bush regularly lists AQ first. (Bob Woodward)”
Forget Timmeh! Who’s this Bob Woodward fellow? Have we really reached a tipping point?
Back to Huck:
He says that Petreaus also says the #1 enemy of America is AQ in Iraq. Says we have to defeat them first because they want to kill the young Iraqi democracy. He’s claiming that the surge has routed AQ from Anbar. You know, the surge that started two weeks ago. That one. The surge is AQ’s worst nightmare because the Anbari’s have rejected AQ and embraced us. Yeah. Let’s see how long that lasts.
Timmeh points out that Maliki has said we can leave any time we want to. Huck says we can turn over Anbar soon, but our national interests keep us from believing Maliki. Claims Maliki is expressing confidence in his army, not asking us to leave. I think he wants us to leave so he can get serious about killing Sunni.
Timmeh asks Webb if he believes that AQ is the primary enemy and threat in Iraq, and would we leave behind a bloodbath.
Webb says it will be bad whenever we leave, and we need to plan realistically, and leave from a position of strength – AFTER some diplomatic work which hasn’t been done. Webb then makes the important points – AQ didn’t come to Iraq to destroy a democracy, it’s there because the US is. The people in Anbar didn’t align with the US, just with the enemy of their enemy. Says it’s not the Iraqi National Army taking out AQ, just locals applying, and I quote “a redneck justice”. Says we need more diplomacy and more rest for our troops. Then he jumps Lieberman for wanting a war with Iran. I’m ready to vote for President Webb.
Huck want’s to wait for September, doesn’t want to do anything now. Says Iran is killing our soldiers and Webb jumps in with “So are Saudis, Senator Graham, so are Saudis”.
Webb ’08 has a nice ring.
Graham says the surge has been AQ’s worst nightmare, and has them on the run. He then claims, with passion, “The surge has been in place TWO WEEKS!”. Almost funny, if people weren’t dying. Webb points out that we didn’t do all that in two weeks, but Huck’s on a roll.
Timmeh presses him to answer how long the surge should last. Whatever Timmeh had for breakfast should be given to him every Sunday morning. Huck’s fine with doing whatever Petraeus says to do, and ends his rant with a spittle-flecked pronouncement, “I’m gonna listen to this general, and I’m not gonna let any politician take the place of the general.” I assume he either meant “this” general, as opposed to previous generals who were forced to retire by W and Rummy, or he doesn’t think W is a politician. Either way damns him.
Webb is calm, if slightly sarcastic, but settles into a good argument. Deployments are now longer than rest periods for the soldiers, and somebody needs to speak for the soldiers instead of defending this president. Huck interrupts (again) with some noise about re-enlistments and Webb jumps him. Tells him not to put his political views into the mouths of the soldiers. Tells Huck that he hasn’t been to Iraq, only to the dog and pony show they put on for Senators. A scuffle breaks out. It’s a smug-off with Webb using facts, Huck using feelings. And we’re in commercial. That was meaty!

Panel time:
Republican primary– USA Today poll has Giuliani, Thompson, McCain, followed by Romney in single digits! Looks like it’s time for another “loan” to his campaign. McCain’s campaign is over. Yawn. Mike Murphy – R strategist thinks it’s not over. Says low-budget campaign of courage suits McCain. Guess he hasn’t been following the news closely if he thinks McCain can claim courage.

Douchebag of Liberty thinks it’s a longshot, Al Hunt calls it sad and over soon. Bob Schrum takes some pleasure in calling McCain a surrogate for Bush with no chance. Murphy insists Mc is showing courage and he can win. O…..kaaaay. I’m over this topic.
Giuliani (pro-abortion rights, pro-gay rights, pro-gun control) is a target of a DVD from IAFF firefighters. Really strong stuff which should kill the “fearless leader of 9/11” BS. It’s a little shocking that NBC shows a clip. Giuliani fires back. Swift-boating is mentioned, but in a deceptive way. Giuliani didn’t call this a “Swift Boat attack”, he said this is deceptive, and NOT a SBA. There’s a difference, Timmeh. They think the Swifties were telling a truth which needed to be told. Through the looking glass and all…
Shrum says Rudy has a reverse-Midas touch with picking people, including Vitter. Heh.
DB of L points out that swift-boating is a very good thing to R’s. He then digs a little deeper saying a lot of R’s like McCarthy. Truly, truly a douchebag. Al Hunt still finds it hard to believe that R’s will nominate the pro-everything Rudy. He hasn’t seen the rest of the field, I guess. The Mormon? The lobbyist womanizer? The bat-shit-crazy Bush hugger? Just do you see them nominating?
Murphy points out that Rudy is a one-note candidate, and needs to get in the early primaries.

Dems – Clinton (42%!), Obama, Edwards. Bill’s on the campaign trail, and Hil’s looking unbeatable to a lot of people. Bill says people say they are yesterday’s news, but points out “Yesterday’s news was pretty good!”. Indeed. She’s not my first choice, but any one of these candidates would be a huge improvement over numb-nuts. Obama calls her part of the past and says it’s time to turn the page. Ouch. Either way works for me, really. But they beat this to death for a while.

DBL says it’s very dangerous to call this the third term of Clinton. Timmeh calls shenanigans, asks him who calls it that, and DBL admits that it’s HIM. D’OH! d-o-u-c-h-e spells Novak. DBL then goes for racism and sexism in the same phrase, speaking of the pessimism of the Republican party concerning their chances in the presidential race, saying “only the Democratic party, with everything in their favor, would say that, ok, this is the year either to have a woman or an African-American to break precedent, to do things the country’s never done before, and it gives Republicans hope.” Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn! That’s pretty naked stuff there.

They spend the rest of the show flogging DBL’s new book – eeeewwww. Despite that, it was one of their best shows in recent memory.

Fawkes News. Brit Hume hosting. I probably won’t actually watch much of this…

Opening line – “An Iraq report card with SOME passing grades, and a strong presidential resolve to keep up the fight.” Stephen Hadley to discuss. Ok, I definitely won’t watch much of this. Then they’ll ask Fred Kagan (who inspired the “surge”) how the “surge” is working. I just can’t take this kind of propaganda seriously. I’m skipping to the panel.

Panel

Wow. I just can’t make it through this BS storm. Strawmen are being absolutely destroyed. Juan Williams is brilliant cutting through it.

On to…

This Weak

Ugh. Warner, Lugar, Hadley, McCain. I’m warming up the fast-forward finger.

First up, Hadley. Whooooosh on the ff…
Now Warner and Lugar. Whooooosh…

Round Table

Rehash of the benchmarks – is September important or not, can anything make the preznit change course (nope – only 67 votes in the Senate can change course, along with 2/3 of the House. Doesn’t look good.)

Sam Donaldson points out that every soldier who dies in Iraq is dying for the inevitable establishment of a Shia theocracy. George Will calls out people who think we are winning in Iraq, says that they will blame liberals for snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory if we leave. It still surprises me that Will doesn’t support this war, but I chalk it up to isolationism. He’s one of the finest minds of the 16th century.

Blah blah about McCain. Most amazing comment – McCain burned through all his money without running a single ad. Jeebuz. That couldn’t have been easy.

In Memoriam
Lady Bird Johnson – the last classy first lady from Texas.
Charles Lane – actor was 102
Doug Marlette – amazing cartoonist
23 service members – 17 in their 20’s, one still a teenager, 5 in their 40’s

Dave Matthews is pushing to get vets their rightful medical treatment. Guess he’s some kinda liberal.

Funnies
What’s up with showing unfunny clips from The ½ witted News Hour?

curtain

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Ted Rall
4400 Government Identified
posted by TheDon
We finally know which administration is in power for the television show The 4400. April developed the ability to compel a truthful answer from anyone by just asking a question. The government immediately used it to force a confession from a man who had demanded a lawyer. They then, instead of imprisoning a woman who had illegally obtained a power, and then illegally used that power, fought over which government agency would get to use her abilities. Nobody even briefly considered 5th ammedment rights. Now we know that The 4400 is set in the present.

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Ted Rall
Benchmarks Report Card
posted by TheDon
My dearest friend and esteemed colleague, Sheik bin Laden,
It is with great pleasure that I report on our progress in the struggle against the crusaders, infidels and apostates. We are doing exceedingly well on all of our benchmarks, and are well ahead of any reasonably expected progress. Your ability to goad the simpleton leader of cursed Amrika has caused him to eliminate the infidel leader of Iraq, while providing us with limitless training opportunities, fundraising and recruits. Soon he will open Persia to us, and we will eliminate the Shia apostates forever. Our list of benchmarks was long:
  • US out of Saudi Arabia
  • Bleed US economy
  • Kill US citizens and soldiers
  • Rebuild organization
  • Depose Saddam
  • Depose Iranian government

Our success continues unabated, helped along by our great ally. We will miss him greatly, and must start planning for an administration which truly means us harm. Fortunately, we are now stronger than we have ever been. I look forward to the fight ahead.

Your friend and fellow soldier,
Ayman Muhammad Rabaie al-Zawahiri

P.S. Thanks for the “Bless This Cave” tapestry. It is a great reminder of the days when we thought we had to hide from the crusaders, in fear of them finding us. It will hang in an honored place on my office wall, where I work secure in the knowledge that our Pakistani hosts will keep us safe, and our great ally does not truly wish us eliminated.

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