Calling All Coulters

America has considered my call-out of my fellow columnist and the results are in: it’s nearly unanimous!

Brad writes:

Rall v. Coulter. Preferably on the internet as I don’t have cable. Someone (or thing…) needs to put her in her place, especially with her “Christmas Message” on her homepage. “To The People Of Islam: Just think: If we’d invaded your countries, killed your leaders and converted you to Christianity YOU’D ALL BE OPENING CHRISTMAS PRESENTS RIGHT ABOUT NOW! Merry Christmas” http://anncoulter.com/ Have a good new year Ted and I hope sometime in your life, you get to kick her ass (intellectually and publicly).

But Ann, we DID invade two Muslim countries and kill their leaders. We even sent missionaries to try to convert them to Christianity but alas, they keep getting killed. Yet: no Xmas presents! What’s up with that? Besides, Muslims get Ramadan presents–assuming the U.S. hasn’t reduced their countries to rubble in the name of liberating their oil–er, them.

America has spoken. How about it, Ann? We could make some cash and have fun at the same time! Have your people call my people. It should be easy, seeing as they’re the same people. Unless you’re afraid, of course.

Wendy’s

Russ writes:

“my desire to see Wendy’s become the nation’s predominant fast food chain (the fact that McDonald’s kicks Wendy’s ass proves the intrinsic injustice of capitalism)” Bah, McDonald’s and Wendy’s both deserve scorn. Perhaps Wendy’s more so. 91% of their political contributions go to the Republican party.

http://www.choosetheblue.com/mainFrame.php?backlevel=002..001Choose%20The%20

Blue.002Restaurants%20and%20Bars&prodcat=Fast+Food

I’m actually surprised to see you (apparently) advocating for any multinational corporate fast food chain. What is your take on patronizing big corporations that drive out local businesses? (Wal-Mart being an obvious prime “bad guy” example.) A couple years ago I decided I was sick of the homogenization of Anytown, USA spreading everywhere and I totally quit eating at big national chains and only patronize local restaurants. I thought it would be inconvenient or difficult to convince friends who were dining out with me, but it turned out to be quite easy.

See what happens when you toss off some flippant remark? Russ is right, of course. Hell, I read “Fast Food Nation” too. Obviously all multinational corporations are evil, and fast food joints especially so. They contribute to environmental degradation, cultural homogenization and they underpay their employees. But the point I was trying to make is this: when you’re driving on the highways of this great land where there are only burger joints to provide sustinence, you’ll find that Wendy’s makes better burgers than any of the other major national chains. Far better. And yet they’re ranked third or fourth in sales. It’s like VHS’s victory over Betamax–capitalism does not always choose the superior product, is not efficient, and is not the natural state of human affairs. (What is? Still working on that one.)

2005 Editor & Publisher Predictions Column

Prediction number eight in Joe Strupp’s column reads:

8. Ann Coulter will drop her column after her syndicate, Universal Press, refuses to dump Ted Rall, “Doonesbury,” and “Boondocks.”

Hey, you never know. What I do know is that, along with my desire to see Wendy’s become the nation’s predominant fast food chain (the fact that McDonald’s kicks Wendy’s ass proves the intrinsic injustice of capitalism), one of my fondest wishes is to mix it up with Ms. Coulter on the political front. She bullies most of her wimpy liberal counterparts on TV by resorting to insults they’re unwilling to return. God knows that that wouldn’t be the case with me. Could that be why we’ve never crossed paths on the airwaves?

Which would you rather watch, HANNITY and colmes or RALL v. COULTER?

The Le Point magazine, another in a publication called Benzine.

, first cartoonist featured in the new “Attitude” series, is interviewed in this week’s Newsarama. Scroll down to find ordering information on Amazon for the new book, and please buy it–sales of this volume will help determine whether we’ll be able to publish full-length compilations of cartoons by other cartoonists from the two-volume set.

Aircraft Carrier to Fight Tsunami

An anonymous FOR writes:

Kind of like the 1950’s horror movies, where a man made monster of environmental symbolism is solved by greater military spending. But it isn’t strange at all for Bush. Indonesia is a muslim country rich in oil. It’s reflex by now. Maybe it is part of the larger oil seizure plan we’re paying for?

Mark Fiore, do you read this blog?

“Liberal Racism”

One Republican talking point–the idea that liberals, rather than the conservatives who fought tooth and nail against desegregation and affirmative action, are the real racists–seems to have longer legs than usual. Even though it hasn’t picked up any traction in the black community, the rightists equate criticizing self-hating Uncle Tom types like Condi Rice to racism. The latest entry in this genre appears in a column by one Jeff Jacoby in The Boston Globe. [NOTE: CORRECT LINK IS HERE NOW.]

Is it gauche to point out that blacks who provide cover for and work against the interests of other blacks are despicable? Perhaps. But it’s true.

Read the column. My favorite assertion, besides the race stuff, is that liberals have a monopoly on “poisonous” dialogue. What about the Republicans who called Tom Daschle a traitor for opposing Bush’s permawar policy? What about Ronald Reagan, who accepted the endorsement of the Ku Klux Klan when he accepted his party’s nomination in 1980–in the same town where the four freedom riders were infamously murdered in 1964? What about the hordes of Republican pundits like Alan Keyes, who suggested that I should be shot and/or jailed for opposing Bush’s ersatz war on terror? When it comes to hate speech, I–like all Dems–are mere pikers. Our problem isn’t that we’re too mean. Our problem is that we’re not mean enough to people who have it coming.

The Militarization of Charity

Is it me, or does it seem strange that the United States is responding to the tsunami by sending warplanes, aircraft carriers and a strike group? If this keeps up, we’ll go the way of Pakistan, where the military takes care of every government function from guarding borders to collecting garbage.

Attitude 3 Clarification

Please bear in mind that I’m NOT looking for mainstream political cartoonists for Attitude 3. Mainstream would include widely syndicated comic strips like Doonesbury and big daily paper cartoonists like Tom Toles. I’m a fan of both, but the Attitude series is devoted to bringing cartoonists toiling in relative obscurity to the larger audience they deserve. Again, please send suggestions and URLs to chet@rall.com for alternative/underground/up and coming social commentary and/or political cartoons. Extra points for online strips. You can check out the Attitude 1 and 2 listings in the Buy Stuff section of this website to see what kind of cartoonists made the cut for those anthologies.

Pictures on the Wall

Jon writes to ask:

In the Alberto Gonzales cartoon (12-23-04-C) it appears to me that the picture on the wall closest to

the door is blurred out. Have you been censored? Does the “C” designation mean censored? I’m I just paranoid? As for the content of that blurred frame it appears to be a pyramid of naked hooded detainees, but I might be

wrong. Inquiring minds want to know. If you cannot respond directly to me can you post something on your blog? I’m sure others have noticed. I can’t be the only one.

Indeed Jon is not. The photos on Alberto Gonzales’ wall are of Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq. The one on the right shows prisoners’ hands sticking out through holes in the wall. And no, the “C” doesn’t mean censored. I do three syndicated cartoons a week. The date codes are for Thursday of each week; the A goes online Thursday, the B Saturday and the C Monday. (Though you can see them early by subscribing to the Ted Rall Subscription Service; email chet@rall.com if you have $10/year and an email account.)

Column Correction

Morris writes:

Whether it’s your editors or yourself who put this in your column, I just wanted to correct a minor error: Roosevelt’s mansion is in Hyde Park, along the Hudson River. New Hyde Park is a town on Long Island. (I realize this isn’t an earth-shaking matter!) On a more cynical, serious note: I would venture to suggest that all natural disaster head counts (e.g., the Asian tsunamis) have to be higher for Republicans, because they are obliged by their belief system to count the unborn fetuses. I’m surprised that they’re too stupid to ever make an issue of this.

Morris is, of course, correct. New Hyde Park is in Nassau County, Long Island. Hyde Park, FDR’s home, is upstate along the Hudson River near Poughkeepsie. I’m still chuckling about the fetus thing.

The always astute Norman of A Sharp Stick fame responds to this morning’s post about a pirate radio attempt to organize opposition to Bush’s looming coronation:

I checked out the CNN article on the pirate station in DC. I loved the last para:

“A third group, www.ReDefeatBush.com, seeks to focus attention on perceived voting irregularities in the November election.” “Perceived” irregularities? What a bunch of fucking wimps. When are they going to start reporting perceived bank robberies? I notice the WMDs in Iraq remain perceived, despite being reported as actual.

Salon.com Names ATTITUDE 2 One of Its Best of 2004

Salon, a website that should run my cartoons but doesn’t, reviews ATTITUDE 2 today. Unfortunately, Salon’s website has become a total nightmare to navigate thanks to a new system that forces you to watch ads before you get to the good stuff. So I’m posting the relevant section in its entirety:

Cartoonist/columnist Ted Rall has spent the last several years calling bullshit on the power brokers that have been running this country into the ground. This second anthology of up-and-coming or established alternative cartoonists is Rall’s love letter to the genre that has brought him to prominence.

“For years, I’ve been frustrated at the lack of attention generated by this genre of alternative weekly-based political and social satire cartoonists,” Rall explains over the phone, “which has been around pretty much since the late ’80s and early ’90s. And it’s true that you can argue that not all them are social or political cartoonists, or even in alternative weeklies — most of my clients are in dailies, actually — but there are certain things these comics have in common. They tend to be drawn by a certain age group; Generation X is certainly the wellspring of the first or second wave of the alt-weekly cartoonists. They feature stripped-down or abstracted drawing styles to convey complicated ideas; for that reason they tend to be wordy, text-based exercises. And since I work in that genre, I love it but am endlessly frustrated by the lack of exposure it gets. This stuff always falls between the cracks.”

Unless you’re there to catch it, which some, like Salon and other forward-looking publications, are. But no matter how much indie cred artists like David Rees, Keith Knight and Aaron McGruder receive for their outstanding work, there are toiling cartoonists like Tak Toyoshima, Emily Flake and Max Cannon who may never get the credit they deserve. Which is where Rall comes in.

“Here you have intelligent and funny comics being ignored because no one yet has pulled it all together as a genre,” Rall added. “That’s one reason why I felt these cartoonists had a hard row to hoe, because people need to have genres, to be able to categorize things. If it’s something you’ve never seen or heard before, it doesn’t fit anywhere. So the goal of the first book was to say there’s strength in numbers, and it did much better than I or my publisher ever expected. But this was before 9/11, so in a way the scene we were documenting changed right as we were putting the book to bed.” Ergo, the new book, which features interviews with the aforementioned, as well as 15 more budding Matt Groenings, many of whom deserve to be stars already.

Crash the Party January 20, 2005

CNN is reporting that an underground swell of activism is beginning towards the end of bringing massive numbers of American patriots to Washington to protest the inauguration of America’s first unelected commander-in-chief. Apparently the call is beginning on pirate radio.

(Bush, of course, remains no more legit today than he was before the 2004 election. Running for “re-election” of an office you stole in the first place allowed him to capitalize on a fake incumbency he never earned. It’s like his pal Gen. Musharraf of Pakistan–would he be legit if he ran for president and won?)

Anyway, let’s hope the festivities in Washington are attended by as many real Americans as Bushite neofascists.

Tillman Mailbag

Matthew765@aol.com writes:

Tillman just voted “most inspiring”. Just need a “least inspiring” contest and Ted could finally get a trophy (something tells me he never, every, got one for sports as a kid, boo hoo).

Matt Kremer

San Diego, CA

Yeah, and I lose sleep over that every night. But Tillman is an inspiring example of what happens when you’re uninformed (he signed up to go to Iraq to avenge 9/11, only to later be sent out again, this time to get killed by his own comrades), misguidedly nationalistic and jingoistic. How much better for him, his family and America had he remained here and played the game at which he was so gifted.

Standard Republican Gay Sex–Obsessed Mailbag

dustumho@yahoo.com writes:

Dearest Ted,

There comes a man in every gay man’s life where he has to just stop the lies and admit that you love the cock. Today is your day my fudge-packing, non-existant friend. You’re a target for all queers, accept it.

If you voted for Bush, you voted for this guy.

And Since We’re Judged By Our Enemies

The Washington Times, the hard right paper embraced by the GOP despite being owned by the Moonie cult (maybe because?), has nominated me as one of its 2004 “knaves” (yes, the paper likes its oratory out of Canterbury Tales). In a piece by the editorial board, the Times writes:

Those who denigrated the life of President Ronald Reagan, especially cartoonist Ted Rall, who said, “If there is a hell, this guy is in it.”

If a guy who assassinated children, imported cocaine to fund right-wing death squads and nearly destroyed the economy isn’t twisting on the devil’s fork right about now, who is? Please vote for me, and vote often, Ohio style!