Support Ted’s Work

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Ted Rall

TGIF! Drinks are on me!
posted by TheDon

It’s a big birthday week – USA and W back-to-back, and on Sunday it’s TBogg – three things I think about most days. So hoist a drink to a great country, founded on great principles, currently under heavy assault. Hoist one to the assaulter. And hoist one to one of my favorite writers on the internets. I would suggest drinking these:
Georgia Bulldog
Pour gin and pomegranate juice over ice in a double old-fashioned glass. Stir and enjoy. It’s really authentic if you use Bulldog Gin, but any good gin will do. It’s called a Georgia Bulldog because it’s red. As usual, stay out of the Prius afterwards.

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Ted Rall

A Day In The Life
posted by TheDon

So I was driving my Prius 100 mph down the highway, smoking some weed and I thought to myself, “godDAMN it! How am I going to get that dog poop off my back window?”. My dog doesn’t have the bodily-function control he used to, and gas stations no longer have hoses for customers like they did 20 years ago. But wait! They do have drive-thru car washes! So I pulled the straps on the dog carrier really tight and went for it. I remembered not to get the hot wax, but I paid for the extra drying time. It must really mess with Seamus’ head to have the wind whipping by, but the scenery is creeping by.
Anyhoo, I was in the car wash, and Seamus finally stopped panicking so I could hear the radio. Tony Snow was giving another Master’s Class on dissembling, and excused W’s disregard for regulations requiring that the DOJ and USA be consulted on pardons with this gem – “It’s not like people’s memories are fuzzy about the details or the circumstances.” I know my hearing has been sacrificed to the Oxycontin isn’t what it used to be, but I was sure I had mis-heard him. Not fuzzy? On details or circumstances? EXECUTIVE branch employees? In THIS administration?
I hit speed-dial #3 and alerted Markos that he should order Nancy Pelosi to start some hearings, and start them fast. If there is actually someone in the executive branch with a working memory, get them up the hill NOW, before they catch whatever memory-eating virus is infecting those poor bastards. This is big. Then I popped another Xanax put it in gear and got back on the highway, content that our takeover of the legislative process is almost complete.

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Ted Rall


Scooter Libby

Because this may not go online until tomorrow (due to the July 4th holiday).

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Ted Rall

Wanted: Flash Animator/Business Partner

I’m looking for a talented, ambitious and imaginative person with experience animating cartoons in Flash to develop and produce a once-per-week animated political cartoon. I provide scripts and artwork; you make them move and talk. Income split is 50-50; details will be discussed if a qualified individual steps forward. You must be patient since it will take some time to market and place animations, but I have a vision for the medium that differs significantly from other editorial cartoons doing animated work that I believe will sell.

Please send your resume, qualifications and any questions to: chet@rall.com. I will respond only to those who I believe may fit the bill; my apologies in advance to the rest.

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Ted Rall

All The President’s Mendacity
posted by TheDon
Dear Carl Bernstein,

I saw you on MSNBC this morning, talking about the Cheney administration in general, and the latest obstruction of justice in particular – the pardon of his former aide, Lewis Libby. You were angry, with good reason, at what you repeatedly called the mendacity of the current administration. You reminded me that you used to be a very good reporter, with the courage to take on a sitting administration, risking your life and liberty.
I can only assume that years of watching your former partner become a wealthy superstar socialite tempted you into cashing in on the right-wing screed industry. Being on the NYT Bestsellers List is heady stuff, and I’m sure it makes up for the years of being out of the spotlight. It probably doesn’t even matter to you that you just added one more volume to the library of hit-jobs on Hillary Clinton, but you must have some memory of being an honorable journalist, doing important work.
I’ve already come up with the title of your new book (hint: it’s the title of this post), and the contents should be self-explanatory. I suggest breaking W’s life into segments and focusing on the major lies, otherwise the book could get longer than The Decider’s face when the White House kitchen runs out of peanut butter. You might have one section for birth until the presidential campaign, you’ll need at least one chapter (maybe two) for the campaign itself, another one for the presidency before 9/11, etc. You’ll probably have to break up the war lies into several chapters. I would suggest one on the lies during the buildup, one for the lies about “progress” and “strategy”, and a separate chapter for the lies about the original lies, and the coverups.
The lies are well documented, and all you have to do is organize them (which I’ve started for you), and write interestingly about them – which is your profession, after all. This should be a big seller, and it could have almost endless chapters added in subsequent releases. You could even turn it into a PBS series, with each of the administration officials getting their own night. Call Ken Burns and see what his schedule is like.
No need to thank me, just get moving on this. You have a reputation to recapture.

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Ted Rall

DC Rall-tastic Event Tonight: 7/3 Cartoonapalooza Cocktails w/ Rall, Toles, Knight, Bolling, Fiore and more!
Posted by Mikhaela Reid


Cartoons & Cocktails and the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists Present:

Cartoonapalooza: Fireworks in Pen and Ink!

Meet prize-winning political cartoonists from across the country as they discuss their most controversial cartoons.

Why did Tom Toles of The Washington Post get dressed down by the Joint Chief of Staff? How did Ted Rall invoke the wrath of a legion of 9/11 widows? Why did a Mercedes-Benz dealership in Atlanta take out a half-page ad to apologize for a Mike Luckovich cartoon? Meet ten of the nation’s best political cartoonists as they discuss their most controversial cartoons. Cartoonapalooza, the kick-off event for the 50th anniversary convention of the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists (AAEC), is a rare opportunity for the public to meet prize-winning political cartoonists from across the country as they discuss their most controversial cartoons. Join Tom Toles, Ted Rall, Mike Peters, Mike Luckovich, Rob Rogers and five other brilliant, ground-breaking editorial artists as they talk politics, the election, Bush and beyond. The public is invited to a cocktail reception before the panel discussion to meet the artists.

The proceeds from this event will go to support Newspapers In Education’s “Cartoons for the Classroom” program, a non-profit program that provides editorial cartoon-related lesson plans for teachers. Cartoonapalooza is the must-attend event of the year for all political buffs and cartoon afficionados!

Door prizes at the reception will include signed original cartoons and books.

Featured Cartoonists:

  • Ted Rall, Universal Press Syndicate
  • Tom Toles, Washington Post
  • Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal Constitution
  • Mike Peters, Dayton Daily News
  • Rob Rogers, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
  • Jack Ohman, The Oregonian
  • Ruben Bolling, Tom the Dancing Bug
  • Ann Telnaes, Cartoonists and Writers Syndicate
  • Keith Knight, The K-Chronicles
  • Mark Fiore, Animated Political Cartoonist

DC Rall-tastic event #2 is, of course, the free Cartoonists With Attitude Slideshow at Borders at 2 p.m. on 7/7/2007. More on that in another post.

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Ted Rall

Newly rescued orange Manx kitty Octavia
Posted by Mikhaela Reid


Rescued Orange Manx Kitty: Octavia
Originally uploaded by M1khaela.

I figured since TheDon has rescued dogs covered in this blog, I’d throw a rescued cat into the mix.

My cartoonist fiancé Masheka and I are off to Washington, DC for the 50th Anniversary Convention of the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists. We’ll be hanging out with the Cartoonists With Attitude crew (AAEC Vice President Ted Rall, plus Keith Knight, Jen Sorensen, Matt Bors, Brian McFadden, Stephanie McMillan, Ruben Bolling, August Pollak, Ben Smith) and a huge convention of famous-type editorial cartoonists (Tom Toles, Joel Pett, Clay Bennett, Signe Wilkinson, Rob Rogers and many many more!) plus special guests like Tom Tomorrow, Duncan Black and the Comics Curmudgeon. I may even bring a laptop and blog about some of the panels.

In our absence, I leave you with this photo of our newly rescued cat, Octavia, kneading me with her claws as I try to finish up the Cartoonists With Attitude Slideshow for our event this Saturday.

We’ve felt for a while that our other cat Riley was lonely and just too friendly and social and playful to stay home by himself while we’re at work. A rescue group in our neighborhood saved this little orange fuzzball from the euthanasia queue at Animal Care and Control. We barely had her home for a few hours before she decided she had to sit in one of our laps 24/7.

We named her Octavia to (a) pay tribute to the late great science fiction writer Octavia Butler and because (b) she seems like one of the weird alien creatures from Ms. Butler’s books, with her giant orange eyes, her taillessness (she’s a Manx cat, and apparently this is how many of them are born) and her weird bunny-style gait.

Her political affiliations are yet to become clear, but hopefully she’ll be more progressive than our other cat.

I must add that lazy and unapologetic as other other cat is, he’d never have pardoned Scooter Libby.

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Ted Rall

Mo’ Dogs
posted by TheDon
This week, nine more of our little friends found their forever homes, including this little girl. This is the kind of thing that helps keep me sane and gives me hope. A nice impeachment would help. Two would cure me for life.

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Ted Rall

ITMFA – Libby Edition
posted by TheDon

The Bush Crime Family has now gamed the system so that Scooter won’t testify against his old boss Dick, and we’ll never hear the truth from Libby’s lying lips. For once he is following in dear old dad’s footsteps by using his presidential pardon powers to protect himself and his boss Dick.
This is another attack on the rule of law and the separation of powers by this oulaw regime. It’s time to take the gloves off and ITMFA. Now. This won’t be the last abuse of this power to protect his buddies, either. Watch for some rather broad pardons in January, 2009. GRRRRRRR.
So now what? Now there is no “ongoing investigation”, so it’s time for Congress to start up the hearings and subpeona the executive and find out who outed a CIA agent. If they don’t cooperate? ITMFA.
And where is the press? It’s time to start pressing the president again over who leaked, and why they still have security clearances. Press him on his claim that he would fire anyone connected. Push, people! Push!

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Ted Rall
The One Percent Solution
posted by TheDon
Ronald Suskind’s The One Percent Doctrine is out in paperback, and it is being re-examined by the right. The One Percent Doctrine is a philosophy espoused by Dick Cheney in the aftermath of 9/11 which says basically that if there is a 1% chance that a country will attack us or acquire WMD, then we have to treat it as a certainty that they will and attack first. These bed-wetters, newly frightened by terror attacks in London, are openly asking if the current policy of OPD is a good idea (they tend to think yes). If we can stop these scary brown people who don’t even believe in the baby Jesus by killing other brown people who don’t believe in the baby Jesus, well, that seems fair.
This conversation, while not entirely useless, misses the point entirely. Asking if the OPD is proper beggars the real question. The real question is this: “Is the One Percent Doctrine really driving US foreign policy?”. I don’t think so, I think it’s just cover for whatever actions they want to take. Any proposition, no matter how nutty, can be argued to have a 1% possibility of happening.
OPD is not the reason we attacked Iraq, it’s not the reason we are going to attack Iran, it’s not why I can’t carry shaving cream on a flight, it’s not why we have GITMO, it’s not why we are being wire-tapped, it’s not why every move we make electronically is being tracked. If you’re scoring at home, the answers are: oil, oil, spread fear, small penises, blackmail, marketing opportunities. Not OPD.
A country truly driven by OPD would have teamed up with India to jump Pakistan, and then teamed up with Saddam Hussein to knock out Saudi Arabia and with Israel against whomever was next. It would have secured all of its borders and ports and inspected all the food coming in from around the world. It would have spent every red cent it had in the bank to lock up the loose nuclear material around the world. It would have encouraged and helped the Russians knock out the Chechen uprising. We would have bribed a bunch of governments to help us monitor their problem areas (I’m looking at YOU, Philippines!)
We did none of those things (except the bribing part), or anything else which suggests that we are serious about fighting terrorism. We scared our citizens, killed other countries’ citizens, and pissed away a river of money and goodwill, with the end result being a lot more terrorists in the world who are willing to die to kill an American.
So is OPD a good doctrine for us? No, of course not. It’s sociopathy on an international level, but that’s not the point. It’s NOT our doctrine, never was, never will be. It’s just an excuse for whatever criminal activity springs from the well-fertilized minds of this administration.
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