SYNDICATED COLUMN: How To Talk To An Obama Voter (If You Must)

In 2012 Politics Is In The Streets—Not the Voting Booth

The Occupy movement is lying low. The Tea Party has been completely absorbed into the Republican Party—just another interest group. The only politics anyone talks about is the presidential horserace.

Don’t be fooled. This is temporary.

Spring will come. Robins will sing. The Occupations will return, bigger, energized and more militant. Don’t be surprised if movements more militant, further to the Left than Occupy, begin to emerge.

What passes for politics—Democrats, Republicans, vacuous debates over mini-issues (flag burning, taxes, deficits, gays) as the big issues go ignored (jobs, income inequality, militarism)—will be finally, totally and irreversibly exposed as the irrelevant, distracting farce they are.

Politics is about to move into the streets. Where they belong. Where they live in countries whose citizens are engaged in the fight over their destinies.

There will be primaries and party conventions and debates. All part of a ridiculous sideshow.

Get ready. 2012 is set to become our year of revolution.

No more will we outsource our lives to 435 oily white men in Washington and 50 random idiots in the state capitals. We will demand what is ours: freedom, dignity, equality, justice, fairness, decency. We will vote with the signs we hold. We will debate our neighbors in parks, cafes and bars. Our elections will be held in clouds of pepper spray, amid swinging batons and flying rocks.

It’s on.

Can you feel it?

Not everyone can. Maybe their instincts have been dulled. That’s OK. People are different.

People who don’t understand that everything has changed are gearing up for a presidential election. Obama versus Probably Romney. Should they vote? If so, for whom? Should they canvass/work the phones/donate to the corporate candidate of “their” choice?

We who feel it need those who don’t feel it at our sides. We who are ready to emancipate humankind, we who are challenging the monstrous hegemony of a corporate state with bottomless pockets and an endless capacity for violence can’t afford to have millions of intelligent, otherwise like-minded allies distracted, sucked into the vortex of electoral BS. We need everyone—including the Obamabots.

They’ve been programmed with talking points. Here’s how you counter them.

Obamabot Talking Point: If I don’t vote for Obama, the Even Worse Republicans win.

Answer: So vote for Obama. Or don’t vote. It makes no difference either way. Voting is like praying to God. It doesn’t hurt. Nor does it do any good. As with religion, the harm comes from the self-delusion of thinking you’re actually doing something. You’re not. Wanna save the world? Or just yourself? That, you’ll have to do outside, in the street.

In a second term, a reelected Obama who doesn’t have to worry about running again will be free to do cool liberal stuff.

Lame duck, anyone? Second-termers are weak. Look at previous presidents’ second terms: Bush 2005-2009, Clinton 1997-2001, Reagan 1985-1989, Nixon 1973-1974. Not much got done. Lots of scandals. Second-termers do worry about the next election; they want a successor from their party (typically their veep). Anyway, there is no evidence—none—that Obama ever wanted to do cool liberal stuff. He never promised any. Dude was a conservative Democrat all along. In a second term he’ll be a weak conservative Democrat so preoccupied trying to hand off the baton to Biden that he won’t float anything risky.

Lesser-evilism, yo. Gotta do whatever it takes so that Romney/Gingrich/Ron Paul doesn’t get in. Gimme those Obama totebags!

In the short run, this is a valid argument. If we were only considering this one election, it would make sense to get Obama in again. Anything to keep those crazy Republicans out.

Over the long term, however, lesser-evilism falls apart.

When the argument for every Democrat is that he’s not a Republican, when every Democrat who wins proves a disappointing imitation of the Republicans his supporters were supposedly voting against, when the net result is a string of alternating Democrats and Republicans who basically do the same thing, especially on the major issues, this election isn’t some special “let’s hold our nose this one time” but merely part of a rancid continuum that we should be opposing with all of our strength and energy—something we can’t do if we’re out pounding the pavement on behalf of a man who is oppressing us just as surely as his so-called “enemies.”

(Ted Rall is the author of “The Anti-American Manifesto.” His website is tedrall.com.)

COPYRIGHT 2011 TED RALL

New Auction: Dinner or Drinks in Manhattan with Moi

Just when you thought I’d given up whoring myself out: I’ve just posted a new chance to have dinner or drinks with me on eBay.

Winner gets two hours of drinks and/or winner (on you, naturally) with yours truly. Plus a signed book to commemorate the evening. Or afternoon. Or whatever.

This must take place in Manhattan. If, however, you’d like to fly me to where you live, you can arrange such a thing outside of eBay. Just email me. For the right price, I’ll even be funny. For higher than the right price, I’ll speak to your group.

Minimum bid is 99 cents, so don’t be cheap.

I’m meeting my first auction winner tomorrow night in Manhattan!

World’s Stickiest Radio

Behold the Tivoli Audio SongBook clock-radio: nice sound, cool interface, the world’s stickiest case. That piece of paper is literally stuck there like a Sticky Note:

20111226-140320.jpg

Surely there’s some fetishist out there who would enjoy the hairy radio vibe, but I ain’t quite that kinky.

I just sent off a letter to Tivoli Audio to see if they’ll do the right thing. I’ll keep you posted.

Tom DeVesto, Chairman and CEO
Tivoli Audio. LLC
Seaport Center
70 Fargo Street
Suite 901
Boston, MA 02210

Re: Defective SongBook Clock-Radio

Dear Mr. DeVesto:

I am a big fan of your products and own several of them. I am, however, extremely disappointed in your SongBook and—more importantly—to your company’s lack of responsiveness about what is clearly a systemic product failure.

I have repeatedly contacted Customer Service via your website but have received no reply whatsoever to my queries.

I am enclosing a blue SongBook clock-radio that I have owned for several years. It is, needless to say, out of warranty. It is also melting.

First the plastic casing became sticky. Then it became stickier. Now it’s so sticky that you it is covered with dust and hair. It works great otherwise. But the casing is so disgusting that—well, you’ll see. Take a look.

I am not alone. Others have obviously had this problem:

http://reviews.cnet.com/radios/tivoli-audio-songbook-black/4864-7875_7-31605044-3.html

http://alatest.com/reviews/portable-radio-reviews/tivoli-audio-songbook/po3-32479072,7/

I wish I had read these reviews before purchasing.

Anyway, this is obviously a design error. A company—especially a company like Tivoli, for whom good design is central to your business—should step up and replace or refund its design errors, not ignore queries to its website.

I look forward to hearing from you and thank you very much in advance for your attention to this matter.

Very truly yours,

Ted Rall

Computer Nightmare!

Just in time for Christmas, it’s–

the Computer Meltdown Problem of Doom!

When things go, they all go at once. Like the economy.

I have two computers: a 2006 MacBookPro laptop and a 2002 G3 tower. Both have been acting quirky for a while. The laptop whirs and buzzes and the tower survived a blue screen of death after three days of rebuilding it. But it’s clear that both are at death’s door. The laptop now no longer allows the single-click option; everything is a double-click. Super annoying. And the tower moves…so…slow…

I seriously don’t know what I’m going to do. I need a new laptop for travel and a new iMac for home to do my work, not to mention finish the two books I owe, but I am ridiculously broke.

Is it me, or is there something strange about having to give the Steve Jobs Estate $7000 (new puters plus software) every few years?

I’m trying to think up some offer that would generate $7000—I’ll illustrate that children’s book you’ve always wanted to get published?—sexual favors?—while I watch my machines fade away.

Anyway, happy Christmas. If your computer still works well enough to read this.

SYNDICATED COLUMN: Who Polices Political Cartooning?

An Art Form in Crisis Ignores the Rot Within

“Ted Rall, mop-headed antiestablishment political cartoonist, has abundant talent, a 1,400-drawing portfolio, seven years’ experience, the acclaim of peers and the approval of newspaper editors who, every so often, print his work. What he lacks is someone who will hire him full-time.”

That’s from The New York Times.

In 1995.

Editorial cartooning, a unique art form whose modern version originated in 18th century France and has become more pointed, sophisticated and effective in the United States than any other country, was in big trouble back then. Newspapers, the main employers of political cartoonists, were closing and slashing budgets. Those that survived were timid; cowardly editors rarely hire, much less retain, the controversial artists who produce the best cartoons, those that stimulate discussion.

Things are worse now.

Much worse.

Hard numbers are difficult to come by but the number of full-time professional political cartoonists now hovers around 30. In 1980 there were about 300. A century ago, there were thousands.

Cartoonists blame tightfisted publishers and shortsighted editors for their woes. Many decry news syndicates for charging low rates for reprinted material. “If an editor can get Walt Handelsman and Steve Kelley for ten bucks a week, why would he pay $70,000 a year for a guy in his hometown?” asked Handelsman, then the cartoonist for The New Orleans Times-Pacayune, in the 1995 Times piece cited above.

There’s also the Internet. As happened across the world of print media, the Web created more disruption than opportunity. Dozens of cartoonists tried to sell animated editorial cartoons to websites. Two succeeded.

Digitalization decimated the music business, savaged movies and is washing away book publishing. If the titans of multinational media conglomerates can’t figure out how to stem the tide, individual cartoonists who make fun of the president don’t stand a chance.

We can only control one thing: the quality of our work. It pains me to admit it, but to say we’ve fallen down on the job would be to give us too much credit.

We suck.

Day after day, year after year, editorial cartoonists have been churning out a blizzard of hackwork. Generic pabulum relying on outdated metaphors—Democratic donkeys, Republican elephants, tortured labels, ships of state labeled “U.S.” sinking in oceans marked “debt,” cars driving off cliffs, one hurricane after another, each labeled after some crisis new or imagined. Cut-and-paste art styles slavishly lifted from older cartoonists down to the last crosshatch. Work so bland and devoid of insight or opinion that readers can’t tell if the artist is liberal or conservative. Cartoons that make no point whatsoever, such as those that mark anniversaries of news events, the deaths of corporate executives like Steve Jobs, and even holidays (for Veterans Day: “freedom isn’t free”).

To be sure, editors and publishers have hired and promoted the very worst of the worst. Prize committees snub brilliance and innovation in favor of safe and cheesy.

In the end, however, it’s up to the members of any profession to police themselves individually and collectively. I often say, no one can publish your crappy cartoon if you don’t draw it in the first place. Amazingly my colleagues have chosen to ignore the existential crisis that faces American political cartooning. Rather than rise to the challenge, their work is becoming even safer and blander.

Moreover, we cartoonists are failing to hold one another to basic journalistic standards. This year political cartooning has been hit by two plagiarism scandals. David Simpson, a long-time Tulsa political cartoonist with a history of this sort of thing, was fired by the weekly paper there after he got caught tracing old cartoons by the late Jeff MacNelly on a lightbox. Jeff Stahler, a cartoonist familiar to readers of USA Today, was recently forced to resign by The Columbus Dispatch after long-standing rumors of stealing ideas exploded into a series of too-close-for-comfort pairings of his work and classic material from The New Yorker.

They’re only the tip of the iceberg.

There are plagiarists who have Pulitzer Prizes sitting on their shelves. There are even more “self-plagiarists”—people who shamelessly recycle the same exact cartoon, changing labels on the same image in order to meet a deadline. They shortchange their readers and their clients—and collect the biggest salaries in the business.

Meanwhile, it is impossible for the “young” generation of talented cartoonists who came out of the alt weekly newspapers—those under 50—to find work at all.

Within the mainstream of the profession the general consensus is that we should keep quiet and wait for the storm to pass. They make excuses for serial plagiarists, self-plagiarists, and hacks. At this writing the professional association for political cartoonists, which in 2009 imposed its first penalty for plagiarism in its 50-year history under my presidency, has still failed to act to enforce that rule or issue a code of ethics.

“This is bad for the profession,” I heard from more than one colleague after the Stahler story broke. “Let’s be quiet.”

No.

What’s bad for the profession is bad work. How can we expect editors and publishers to respect us unless we respect ourselves?

(Ted Rall is the author of “The Anti-American Manifesto.” His website is tedrall.com.)

COPYRIGHT 2011 TED RALL

Get a (nonexistent) Job!

“I don’t see why you have to go more than 59 weeks. In fact, we need some incentives for people to get back to work. A lot of these people don’t want to work unless they get really high-paying jobs, and they’re not going to get them ever. So they just stay home and watch television. I don’t mean to malign people, but far too many are doing that.”
—Senator Orrin Hatch (R-UT)

Ted Rall Live in South Florida

Or, after working to finish two new books, half-alive.

Regardless of my sentience, I will be speaking in South Florida the first week of January about the topic of “Reform vs. Revolution—Pros and Cons.”

Hope you can make it!

Tuesday, January 2, 2012
4 p.m.
Occupy Miami
Government Center
111 Northwest 1st Street
Miami, Florida

Tuesday, January 2, 2012
8 p.m.
Occupy Fort Lauderdale
City Hall Plaza
100 N. Andrews Avenue
Fort Lauderdale, FL 33301

Wednesday, January 4, 2012
7.m.
Sweat Records
5505 NE Second Ave.
Miami FL 33137

Christopher Hitchens R.I.P.

People are mourning the loss of Christopher Hitchens. I’d say they’re a bit late in the game for that. I mourned the loss of Hitchens way back in 2003 when he decided to throw whatever principles he had in the trash and promote the war of agression against Iraq. He was pretty much dead to me after that.

Susan Stark

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