Tough Job

President Obama defended the CIA’s Bush-era torturers on the grounds that we shouldn’t judge the “tough job” they had to do to prevent another attack after 9/11. “Tough”? How? Amazing how the US government can turn the torturers into victims.

Obama’s Folksy History of the World

President Obama refers to both torturers and their victims as just plain “folks” in an effort to simultaenously be phony, inspid, and diminishing of the horrors inflicted by the United States government, an institution for which no single human being is as responsible.

Memory Content is CIA King

The US government argues that it possesses “absolute control” over the memories of Guantánamo torture victims because what happened to them was classified — yet it released those “CIA memories” to Hollywood filmmakers. Sure, it’s like something from a Philip K. Dick story. But don’t complain. Content is king again!

Torturing the English Language

If the US declares the military coup in Egypt to have been a military coup, it would be forced to suspend its “foreign aid,” which isn’t aid at all. From coups to torture to FISA, the English language is the number-one victim of enhanced interrogation techniques.

National Conversation

President Obama hid and lied about the fact that the NSA and FBI are spying on the emails and phone calls of ordinary Americans. But now he claims he wants to set up a national conversation about it. Given how Edward Snowden is being pursued as a criminal, and how Pfc. Bradley Manning was viciously tortured, one imagines that his idea of a national conversation begins with Snowden in a government secret prison trying to talk from underwater.

The Asterisk President

Fairly self-explanatory, but this is something I’ve been trying to convey about Obama for some time. He has perfect Bush’s art of getting the big headline and then amending it into nothingness later when nobody is paying attention. Remember Bush’s signing statements? Obama doesn’t need them–he does the same thing without them.

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