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NEW ANIMATION: Death Cab for Sarah

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Ted Rall

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE—Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Editorial cartoonist Ted Rall and animator David Essman have released a hilarious, vicious parody of GOP vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin to celebrate Election Day 2008.

Distributed for free on YouTube and at tedrall.com, “Death Cab for Palin” is an animated political cartoon that lampoons Sarah Palin’s presidential ambitions. Noting that vice presidents frequently become presidents, “Death Cab” depicts a rabid Vice President Palin trying to poison and bomb President McCain in the style of the classic “Road Runner” cartoon series.

Rall, a syndicated cartoonist for Universal Press Syndicate, is no stranger to controversy. His “Terror Widows” and “FDNY 2011” cartoons after 9/11 were some of the most controversial cartoons in U.S. history. Will “Death Cab for Sarah” join their ranks? “I don’t know,” says Rall, “but it was such a fun idea I just couldn’t resist going with it.”

Permission for reproduction and broadcast are freely given under the condition that the piece not be altered in any form without express permission. To contact Ted Rall, please email ted@rall.com.

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TED RALL’s editorial cartoons and columns are syndicated to more than 100 newspapers around the U.S. Twice the winner of the RFK Journalism Award and a Pulitzer Finalist, he is President of the Association of American Editorial Cartoonists.

DAVID ESSMAN is an animator currently at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago. His animated films have been screened across the country, including Animation Block Party, The Chicago Underground Film Festival, and the St. Louis International Film Festival.

Palin 2012

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Ted Rall

posted by Susan Stark

It’s a little too close to the election for me to be writing a post like this one, or at least it’s too late to serve as a warning. But the New York Post took it upon themselves to write a piece of speculative fiction on Obama. So I’m taking it upon myself to write a similar piece on McCain. Or more precisely, on Palin:

Date: November 4, 2012

It is dangerous to write this, so I will keep my identity a secret. But it must be written. It must.

I am in a basement right now, and I am using a hand-crank emergency light in order to see. There is no electricity to speak of. There hasn’t been any for a while here in New York. Ordinarily I would not use my hand-crank at all unless absolutely necessary, but I need to write. It’s my last stab at a legacy. I could be dead tomorrow.

Four years ago this started. Four fucking years ago. It seems like a fucking lifetime. Several lifetimes. That was the day the Palin regime started. The decrepit old fart that everyone thought they were voting for did not last long. And his death, I might add, was under suspicious circumstances. It is treason to write this. An execution-able offense.

After McCain’s death. That’s when it all started. Abortion clinics where shut down. Their locks changed in the middle of the night. People found out about this pretty quickly, because back then, we still had the Internet to find out things that quickly. Protests began. People took to the streets.

However, emboldened by their new-found messiah in the form of a prom queen, pro-Palin supporters used brutal violence against the protesters. Many were clubbed and beaten to death. None of the attackers was ever charged or held accountable for their actions. Instead, the violence was blamed on the protesters. It became too dangerous to openly protest.

But that was only a first taste of what was to come. On foreign policy, Palin surrounded herself with christian fundamentalists and rabid Israeli lobbyists as advisers. Under their direction, Palin bombed two operational nuclear power plants in Iran, claiming that the Iranians were building nuclear weapons there. Tehran was turned into a radioactive wasteland.

Most of the world rose up in horror of this action, and even what was left of our allies cringed. In protest, tourists no longer came to the United States, and many countries and their citizens boycotted our products and services, causing massive economic damage to the country. Here in New York, there was a massive exodus of people due to widespread unemployment. Sarah Palin called it God’s judgment on “liberals”.

After the economic meltdown, it wasn’t just liberals who were protesting and rioting. Anybody who didn’t know where their next meal might come from were joining the club. Sarah Palin retaliated by cutting off food stamps and welfare, calling the protesters “lazy”, who “didn’t want to work”.

In place government checks, Palin handed out government cheese. Food distribution centers existed, but that food came at a price. Loyalty to Palin and her regime was that price. These re-educational centers were run by her hired goons, goons who had earlier beaten up the pro-choice protesters.

What else can I say now? Every day is like any other day. I wonder where my next meal will come from, because I refuse to be re-educated. I wonder when the goddamn electricity will come back on. Nobody has either the money or the will to get it back on. Sometimes food is smuggled in from Canada, through the black market or through charity or through Leftist supporters overseas, so I eat.

There are, however, a few things that keep me going. I listen to my shortwave radio, to clandestine and pirate stations beaming into the country, which gives me a shred of hope. I meet with my friends and allies, and we plan and act.

And one more thing gives me hope. When I venture outside, I see them. Words of defiance sprayed on the wall. Cartoons sprayed on the walls. Some of the cartoons are terribly familiar to me, because I’ve seen their style before. They are unmistakably Ted Rall’s. Ted does not draw on paper anymore, he paints on the wall. They are images of anger and defiance, of fists pumped in the air. One image has become iconic, so much so that even the shortwave talks about it. That image is of Sarah Palin hanging from a noose. The image gives me hope, but it also makes me pray to God every day that nothing ever happens to Ted.

The light is running out of charge. I must stop writing now, but I will write again tomorrow. I’m going now to curl up with my friends for warmth, because there is no heat and it’s autumn, soon to be winter. Good night.

NYC Appearance

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Ted Rall

Just a reminder to New Yorkers: I’ll be at the 92nd Street Y on Wednesday night, along with Roseanne Barr, Monica Crowley et al., to discuss the outcome of tomorrow’s presidential election. For details click on the entry the “Events” sidebar to the right of the blog.

Coming in an Hour or Two

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Ted Rall

Stay tuned. David is putting the finishing touches on “Death Cab for Sarah,” my second stab at the animated editorial cartoon format. I’ll post it here and on YouTube as soon as I have it in my hot little server.

Sneak preview: Against all odds, John McCain wins the presidency. But a certain ambitious former hockey mom from Alaska has designs to take his place. Once she sets her eye on the big job, nothing will stand in her way…not even murder.

Obama

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Ted Rall

Barack Obama could not be more wrong about the war against the people of Afghanistan. No country has successfully invaded another one since the 19th century and, believe me, Afghanistan–of all places!–isn’t going to be the first.

Barack Obama is wrong about Iraq. We don’t need a negotiated settlement. Immediate withdrawal is the only prudent, sane, and rational solution to a problem that we shouldn’t have created in the first place.

Barack Obama doesn’t seem to understand how bad the economy is, or that nothing short of radical solutions–like my idea to bail out homeowners and renters–has a prayer of working. A national infrastructure program–I’d start with high-speed rail–would be nice, too.

Barack Obama has been too silent on the pressing moral issue of our time–torture. Nothing demonstrates how badly our values have been corrupted than the fact that our government has legalized torture, and that the American people never talk about it.

I am going to vote for Barack Obama tomorrow morning.

Normally, I am not one to vote for a candidate with whom I disagree on so many key issues. Because Al Gore was so close to W. on so many issues in 2000, I cast my vote for Ralph Nader. This time, however, is different for me.

Riding the New York subway, I see so many African-American commuters wearing Obama buttons. Around the Obama button table at 7th and 34th, a nervous and excited crowd, mostly black, gathers every day. They can feel it–they might get one of their own people (albeit not a descendant of slaves) into the White House. I’m voting for Obama for them–because, if I don’t, I’ll never be able to look black people in the eye again.

I read a recent poll that shows Obama polling 51 percent of white men. Frankly, it’s no big deal that black people are voting for Obama. THe fact that so many white guys are willing to reach outside their comfort zone or, better yet–have black people inside their comfort zone–sends a message to blacks. We white guys aren’t all a bunch of racist shits. Many of us, yes. But not all.

Obama’s Muslim background–yes, he did grow up in Indonesia, he did hear the call to prayer every morning, and had a Muslim father–will also send a clear message to the world that America is prepared to renounce the Muslim-bashing (and -torturing, and -murdering) policies of the past eight years. Symbolism matters. The next time I travel abroad, I won’t have to explain why “we” elected a neofascist moron as president (or allowed him to steal the presidency).

Someone drew an editorial cartoon of John McCain’s face with “Best if used before 2000” stamped across his face. McCain is well past his due date though, truth be told, he just doesn’t have the calm, measured, careful temperment of a president. He is rash and emotional and, obviously, doesn’t know shit about personnel decisions. As president, he would be a disaster. As president, he would not last long. Sarah Palin would likely succeed him in a short time. That thought alone should be enough for Republican voters to cast their vote for the Libertarian candidate, or simply stay home.

So I am voting for Barack Obama, not because he’s the best candidate, or even the best of the original field (that was John Edwards, with or without his horniness). I’m voting for him because Obama means a symbolic change, and that’s a change we need.

Don’t be surprised, however, if I’m as hard (or harder) on the Democrats than I was on Bush and the Republicans. Republicans, after all, are evil. Democrats know better, and I expect more of them. I was brutally hard on Bill Clinton, although it’s largely forgotten now (I’m working on expanded cartoon archives that will eventually go back to 1991, and you’ll see how mean I was). You wouldn’t believe how many hate emails I get talking about how I was OK with Clinton, but not Bush. As if. But I digress.

There’s a lot to dislike about Obama’s accommodationist, wimpy self. But I will toast his victory just the same.

As Shah Massood said–he was the Northern Alliance warlord who united the Afghan resistance to the Soviet invasion in the 1980s–first, we kill the Russians. Then we kill each other.

Vote for Obama. Then fight for real change.

I Predict: Obama by 3.7 points

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Ted Rall

As I told The Washington Post, I predict Obama will win the official vote count by 3.7 points. Let’s see how I do.

Bear in mind, of course, that Obama is leading by 10 points in most polls. The 6.3 percent discount is for sleazy Ohio vote challengers, the Bradley effect, and the blocked/purged voter registrations documented ably by Greg Palast.

Awesome Sarah Palin Animation Out Soon!

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Ted Rall

Master animator David Essman and I are about to unleash our second animated editorial cartoon. This one is about a certain vice presidential nominee and her aspirations to the highest office in the long. Stay tuned…we’re looking to release it Monday morning.

SYNDICATED COLUMN: Don’t Think About Reelection

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Ted Rall

Why Obama Should Consider Himself a One-Term President

Barring some unforeseen cataclysmic event, Barack Obama will be elected president Tuesday. Please allow me to be the first to congratulate you, President-Elect Obama, on an historic victory following an extraordinarily disciplined campaign. Are you sure you’re really a Democrat?

Enough BSing.

As a student of history and the American presidency and a guy who plans to vote for you despite serious doubts, here’s the best advice I can give you: Starting on Inauguration Day, consider yourself a one-term president.

This isn’t exactly an original idea. When John McCain launched his own run for the Republican nomination, he originally planned to center his entire campaign around a promise not to seek a second term. “Less than a day before he was set to speak in New Hampshire on April 25,” The Atlantic magazine reported, “McCain ordered his aides to excise…the pledge.” But McCain was on to something. Voters want a president who isn’t constantly triangulating, studying polls, and sucking up to contributors.

I realize that telling anyone you’re a one-termer would be dumb. Why tie your own hands by declaring yourself a lame duck on Day One? So don’t.

I’m suggesting that you privately adopt a state of mind. Back in 2007, you laid out three guiding principles to your campaign: “Run the campaign with respect; build it from the bottom up; and finally, no drama.” It worked. Now it’s time to transmit a new guiding principle to your cabinet officers: “We don’t care about 2012.”

With one exception, I’ve never understood why presidents worry about getting reelected. The “second-term curse”–the tendency of lame-duck presidencies to flounder in scandal, blowback and impotence–has prevented every modern president from accomplishing anything worth bragging about during years five through eight.

Harry Truman squandered his credibility by playing footsie with McCarthyism and doubling down on a disastrous stalemate on the Korean peninsula. Johnson screwed up in Vietnam and on the burning streets of American cities. Nixon had Watergate; Eisenhower and Reagan succumbed to virtual senility and scandal (the U-2 spy plane affair and Iran-Contra, respectively). Of course, Clinton had Monica.

The exception, of course, was George W. Bush. His quest for a second term was understandable. “Bush knows that he did not carry the popular vote in 2000,” Gus Tyler wrote in The Forward in 2003. “He ran a half-million votes behind Democrat Al Gore. He knows that he really did not carry Florida to give him his thin edge in the Electoral College.” Dubya wanted to win in 2004 because he lost in 2000.

Technically, 2005-to-2008 was Bush’s first term. Nevertheless, the second-term curse struck again. Bush had an ambitious agenda, but it was thwarted by both circumstance and the consequences of policies he pursued during his first four years. Privatizing Social Security, tort reform, stricter test standards for high school graduation–all abandoned and forgotten in the fires of Iraq and the maelstrom of Hurricane Katrina. Bush’s approval rating is now 23 percent, the lowest in the history of the Gallup Poll. He wasn’t even invited to the Republican National Convention. He seems destined to be added to the short list of our worst leaders.

So forget that second term. They never do anyone any good.

George Clinton said, “Free your mind and your ass will follow.” Give up the hope you can’t believe in and embrace the reality you have already achieved.

So, President-Elect Obama: It’s true. You face challenges: Iraq and Afghanistan (which you are wrong wrong wrong about) and torture and our international standing and–obviously!–the economy. But think of what you’ve got going for you. You are young and sharp-minded and vigorous. The electorate is desperately worried, and thus more willing to embrace big changes. Your party will enjoy a commanding majority in Congress–I’m guessing 58 seats in the Senate and 268 (to 167) in the House, the biggest since Watergate. I’m pretty sure you’re going to pick a team of top officials that will make Americans wonder how they ever tolerated intellectual midgets like Donald Rumsfeld and Condi Rice–the Best and the Brightest for the new millennium. The rest of the world already loves you, and you haven’t even begun.

But be careful. The second you move into 1600 Penn, you will be surrounded by people, many of them your close friends, who will want nothing more than to keep the cool jobs you give them for as long as possible, i.e. eight years. Beware the “permanent campaign”–the drive to make every decision based on how they will affect you and your party’s chances for reelection. “[Pollster] Dick Morris even asked voters where Bill Clinton should go on vacation,” remembered Joe Klein in Time.

“[The permanent campaign] has been a terrible thing,” Klein continued. “Presidents need to be thinking past the horizon, as Jimmy Carter belatedly proved. Some of his best decisions–a strict monetary policy to combat inflation, a vigorous arms buildup against the Soviet threat–bore fruit years after he left office and were credited to his successor, Ronald Reagan.”

Radical problems require radical solutions. Guess what? We have radical problems. Your kids-only healthcare mandate concept would be a Band-Aid where major surgery is required. Iraq and Afghanistan don’t need another division of Marines here, another detachment of Special Forces there. Nothing short of immediate pullout will satisfy the world, our ruined national budget or, for that matter, the Iraqis and Afghans. Your 90-day proposed moratorium on foreclosure evictions is nice as far as it goes–well, 90 days–but it’s going to take years of direct government assistance to millions of Americans to save the country from economic disintegration.

Even with a bully pulpit and a Democratic Congress, it’s going to take some serious nads to ignore the special interests. Big insurance companies like the current healthcare “system” just the way it is. Defense contractors are psyched about our serial preemptive wars against anyone and everyone (except those who actually attack us). And the banks aren’t going to stop taking people’s homes unless you take over the banks. It isn’t going to be easy.

But running the country as if you had nothing to lose–running your first term as if it you knew it will be your last–will make it a little easier. For all you know, it might make a second term more likely.

COPYRIGHT 2008 TED RALL

A Totally Irrelevant Quote

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Ted Rall

From Mark Mazower’s “Hitler’s Empire: How the Nazis Ruled Europe”:

The early 1940s are thus a prime example of how the violence of war—especially when short-sighted and ideologically driven political leadership is combined with overwhelming military superiority—may lead to an almost limitless escalation in the use of force and a constant revision of rules and norms. The Nazis embraced the idea of pre-emptive war and did not regard themselves as generally bound by international law; as a result, only their own ethical constraints (which intense racial nationalism weakened where non-Germans were concerned) set limits to what they regarded themselves as justified in doing. Yet if war allowed the regime to conquer territory, it was also a means—as Hitler himself well understood—to change the Germans and their values.

Totally irrelevant.

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