“President Bush”?

“When they elected Bush president,” The New York Times began an editorial the other day. Air America, house organ of the Democratic Leadership Council, regularly refers to “President Bush.”

Just a reminder: That man is not our president. He is still an illegal imposter, with no right to present himself to be reelected to an office he was appointed to by a rogue Supreme Court. Gore won the popular vote as well as the electoral vote. Gore won Florida by an ample margin, as anyone who has studied the issue is well aware. For the Times and Air America, two voices that ought to know better, to refer to Bush as president is an insult to our constitution and the 42 legitimately elected men who came to power by popular acclaim.

Book Tour; Speaking Engagements

My publishers and I are currently putting together an itinerary for this summer’s in-store signings and attendant speaking gigs to promote my new book WAKE UP, YOU’RE LIBERAL. So if you, a cool store and/or a local group/college/whatever is interested in having me come to your city, now’s the time to speak up. Priority will go to people who arrange events in advance, are capable of doing efficient promotion and to cities where my cartoons or columns appear in a local publication (without the latter, turnout tends to be too small to make the event worthwhile for everybody concerned).

I’m at chet@rall.com if you’re interested.

What a Difference a Year Makes

From today’s Associated Press report from Baghdad:

U.S. Halts Attacks on Fallujah, Retakes Kut

By Alistair Lyon, Reuters

BAGHDAD, Iraq (April 9) – Bloody turmoil reigned in Iraq on Friday, the first anniversary of Saddam Hussein’s fall, with Sunni and Shiite rebels battling U.S.-led forces and holding three Japanese and other foreign hostages.

U.S administrator Paul Bremer said U.S. forces had unilaterally suspended operations in the Sunni town of Fallujah at midday after this week’s crackdown on guerrillas.

He said the ceasefire would allow humanitarian access and what would be unprecedented talks with insurgents. About 10 bodies lay in the streets of the town west of Baghdad after heavy overnight fighting, witnesses said.

This week’s bloodshed, engulfing the hitherto quiescent Shiite south as well as the bastions of Sunni insurgency in central Iraq, has shown how far the United States is from securing the country whose dictator it toppled on April 9, 2003.

Insurgents attacked a U.S. fuel convoy west of Baghdad on Friday, killing at least nine people, witnesses said.

A Reuters photographer at the scene said he saw bodies burning inside the vehicles on fire near Abu Ghraib. He said the convoy included U.S. military vehicles and fuel tankers.

U.S. DECLARES TRUCE

Bremer announced the Fallujah ceasefire after five days of street fighting in which up to 300 Iraqis have been reported killed and U.S. Marines have also taken casualties.

“As of noon today coalition forces have initiated a unilateral suspension of offensive operations in Fallujah to allow for a meeting between members of the Governing Council, the local Muslim leadership and the leadership of anti-coalition forces,” Bremer told reporters.

He did not say how long the ceasefire would last, though an Iraqi politician said it had would go on for 24 hours.

Fallujah residents heard U.S. warplanes and a loud explosion an hour after the ceasefire, but it was not possible to confirm whether there had been a U.S. air strike.

The Marines launched “Operation Iron Resolve” after last week’s killing and mutilation of four U.S. private security guards showed the depth of anti-American feeling in Fallujah.

Earlier on Friday, U.S.-led troops retook the eastern town of Kut two days after Ukrainian forces withdrew after clashes with Shiite militiamen loyal to radical cleric Moqtada al-Sadr. The cleric’s office was in ruins after it was hit by U.S. fire.

Sadr’s followers launched an uprising this week, battling U.S.-led forces in Shiite areas across Iraq. One Ukrainian soldier was killed this week in the fighting in Kut.

Shiite militiamen still control the center of the shrine city of Najaf, where Sadr is thought to be holed up.

In the shrine city of Karbala, overnight clashes between Shiite fighters and Polish and Bulgarian troops killed 15 Iraqis, and six Iranian pilgrims were shot dead near a Polish checkpoint between Babel and Karbala, police said.

The violence erupted as Shiite pilgrims thronged Karbala for Arbain, a religious occasion that climaxes this weekend.

A major international oil conference due to take place in the southern city of Basra later this month was cancelled indefinitely because of security concerns.

NO JUBILATION THIS YEAR

In Baghdad, new razor wire barriers blocked main streets around Firdaws Square where U.S. Marines and Iraqis dragged down Saddam’s statue a year ago. An Iraqi vehicle with a loudspeaker warned people in Arabic to stay away from the square.

It was not clear if the measures were meant to foil possible anniversary protests against the U.S.-led occupation.

Tanks, with names like Beastly Boy, Bladerunner, Blitzkrieg and Bloodlust stencilled on their cannon barrels, guarded nearby hotels used by foreign contractors and journalists.

Posters of Sadr fluttered on a green sculpture symbolizing a new Iraq erected on the plinth where Saddam’s statue once stood.

Where are all of the neoconservative assholes who shouted us down last year? What about their idiotic ex-liberal apologists, like Chris Hitchens? Both groups of bastards have brought us to this.

Actually, I Sorta Lied

At the risk of sounding like Condi, “Return of Terror Widow!” did come out yesterday–but only to client newspapers. It goes online Monday.

Wake Up, You’re Liberal!

Now that my political manifesto for the Democrats and the Left is at the printer, those who are thinking of ordering it or who already have should know that the total page count is 336. Because that’s longer than originally anticipated, the cover price will be $15.95. I don’t know if Amazon pre-orders will be dunned or not for the extra dollar, but you could always attempt to slip through now before they update the price on their website in that hope.

Air America

Thanks to those of you who remember the groundbreaking liberal talk radio show I had on KFI AM 640 Los Angeles during the late 1990s. Many of you have written to ask why I’m not on Air America, the new liberal radio network. Well, don’t ask me because I don’t know. If you want them to consider hiring me to do my thing on the air again, contact Air America.

Updated Details: ATTITUDE Book Signing Gala at MoCCA NYC

An incredible 15 of the ATTITUDE cartoonists have now confirmed attendance at the gala fundraiser for the New York Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art.

The star-studded list now includes:

Scott Bateman

Emily Flake (“Lulu Eightball”)

Tim Krieder (“The Pain—When Will It End?”)

Peter Kuper (“Eye of the Beholder”)

Stephen Notley (“Bob the Angry Flower”)

Ted Rall (“Search and Destroy”)

David Rees (“Get Your War On”)

Mikhaela Reid (“The Boiling Point”)

Mickey Siporin

Jen Sorensen (“Slowpoke”)

Ward Sutton (“Schlock ‘N’ Roll”)

Neil Swaab (“Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles”)

Tom Tomorrow (“This Modern World”)

Tak Toyoshima (“Secret Asian Man”)

Jason Yungbluth (“Deep Fried”)

All of the artists appear in either the ATTITUDE 1 or brand-new ATTITUDE 2: THE NEW SUBVERSIVE ALTERNATIVE CARTOONISTS anthology book.

There will be food, drinks, milling around, gossiping, cartoons on the wall and, of course, your chance to buy copies of ATTITUDE 1 and 2 and have them signed by the cartoonists, some of whom will also have their own books on hand to sell

Time: 7 – 9 pm

Date: Thursday, April 29, 2004

Place: Museum of Comic and Cartoon Art

594 Broadway, south of Houston Street

Manhattan

By subway:

6 to Bleecker St or Spring St,

N, R, W to Prince St,

B, D, F, V, to B’way-Lafayette St

What Would Real Homeland Defense Cost?

In my column this week, I argued that the United States Air Force should keep fighters in the air at all times to defend our soil and reduce response time in the event of a 9/11-style emergency. On 9/11, you may recall, not a single fighter jet was in the air–which is why NORAD wasn’t able to intercept any hijacked passenger plane before it struck its target.

Air Force honchos have written to inform me that keeping planes in the air at all times in sufficient quantities to cover the entire mainland United States would cost $1 billion per year. Too expensive, they say.

To which I would like to point out: We spend $2 billion a year just to prop up the government of Egypt.

No Ted Rall on Air America

As one of the few liberals to have worked as a host for AM talk radio for a major station (KFI AM 640, Los Angeles, from 1998 through 2000), I’m getting deluged with email asking whether I’ll be part of the new Air America leftie radio syndicate that debuts tomorrow.

I haven’t been asked.

As I describe in my upcoming book WAKE UP, YOU’RE LIBERAL, I had discussions with the predecessor to Air America, AnShell Media, but the new Air America has decided to take a less partisan, less overtly liberal political stance than the “left wing Rush Limbaugh/Clear Channel Communications” approach originally conceived by AnShell. That may be why they’ve excluded progressive voices.

Their roster includes some brilliant comedians–I’m a fan of both Al Franken and Janeane Garafalo–and it seems that that’s the direction Air America management wants to go: the leftism goes down easier with a dose of humor. While my KFI show did include a lot of humor, including Dave Eggers’ “Brooklyn Traffic”, “Dial a Dump” and the infamous “Stan Trek 2000” reality tour of Central Asia, my approach really was to attempt to be the left-wing Rush–aggressive, unfair to the Republican right, and unabashedly unashamed about promoting a liberal agenda. If Air America ever heard my aircheck tapes, they probably thought I was a little too strident for their tastes.

I wish them well, but to be honest, I believe that Air America is doomed.

First and foremost, political talk radio is a difficult medium, very personal and different than televised and stand-up comedy. Listeners to AM talk radio crave honesty, straightforwardness, the ability to think on your feet when dealing with callers. You also have to know your shit, backwards and forward. It took me a year to find my legs on the air; the Air America hosts won’t have that much time. If I’d been a member of the management, I would have eschewed the big/expensive names in favor of lesser-known liberal hosts with on-air experience in the medium.

Second, moderation is death. Like many Democrats, I listen to Rush and Hannity because they piss me off. It looks like Air America wants to convince Republicans by becoming their friends. That won’t work. Democrats want to hear a strident voice echoing their opinions; Republicans want to throw something at those Goddamn commies. Putting soft liberals on the air–Franken, I read somewhere, favored the war in Afghanistan–doesn’t accomplish that.

Third, the distribution model doesn’t make sense. Air America is only on six small stations. Here in New York, their WLIB is currently the home of obscure Carribean hits (yes, really). If you’re going to buy a station outright or take over its programming, you need to make a big splash. Here in New York, that would have required buying a big 50,000-watt talker like WABC or WOR, where an audience already exists for talk radio. Granted, that would have been prohibitively expensive. A far more intelligent approach would have been the slow build model. Right-wing talk radio, after all, didn’t spring up overnight. It started in the late 1970s. If Air America were serious, it would have begun acquiring stations in smaller markets, using their airwaves as a farm system to develop on-air talent for future national syndication. Buying small stations in big markets is an attempt to make a big political splash during an election year, not build a radio network.

Lastly, what happens if Kerry wins? The real test for leftie talk radio, as I can attest from my experience during the Clinton era, is whether it can attack a Democratic president from the left. Right-wing talk radio hosts like Rush often attack Bush from the right; they lose credibility when they suck up to authority. One suspects that Air America’s milquetoast approach won’t allow for that sort of thing.

Air America was a good idea, but its execution sucks.

They’re Socialists

When the French Socialist Party swept elections a few days ago, one of the notable aspects of American media coverage was a reluctance to call them what they are: socialists. Fox News called them “the opposition party.” The New York Times called them “the left.”

This is what it’s come to: Now that the political pendulum is swinging left in Brazil, Venezuela, Spain, France and elsewhere, corporate/state-controlled media outlets hope the trend will starve due to lack of coverage. It’s a strange tactic, unlikely to succeed, but it’s worth noting nonetheless.