Not That Awesome To Begin With

Burger King at the airport is like Burger King minus the full menu. TCBY express is like TCBY but less so. Similarly, the United States under austerity is an institution that never offered many services in the first place and is now even worse.

7.9% Fewer Drone Strikes

Automatic budget cuts known as the Sequester mean that the government will no longer be able to afford, for example, as many killer drone attacks.

Mohammed Loses a Buddy, gets PTSD

According to a new Pentagon study, drone operators suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome at the same rate as real soldiers who fight in, you know, combat.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

The U.S. Supreme Court rejects a lawsuit against the government’s secret spying program against Americans because its victims can’t prove they’re being spied upon…because it’s secret.

Mutual Assured Governance

One year ago, Congressional Democrats and Republicans put into motion a time-bomb that would force them to come to terms over the federal budget: “the fiscal cliff” of across-the-board federal budget cuts, harsh austerity, just when the economy might be starting to recover.

Fake It Until You Make It

Studies prove that employers discriminate against the unemployed, viewing them as incompetent and undesirable. What should someone who got laid off a couple of years ago do? Hire a company to hire them, and leverage their fake credentials to get the job of their dreams.

Slave Wages

Every time Democrats argue for increasing the minimum wage, Republicans trot out the same old arguments: it will increase unemployment, employers will move overseas, and it will increase the barrier for entry for new workers. Studies repeatedly show that none of these things are true, of course, but yet they persist to be argued and reported.

Mohammed Wins a Medal

The Pentagon has established a new distinguished warfare metal that actually ranks above both the Purple Heart and the Bronze Star, rankling those who have actually served in combat as opposed to merely piloting a drone plane.

Principles Under Wraps Until 2017 (or 2021 or 2025 or…)

55% of Liberal Democrats agree with Obama’s decision to keep Guantanamo concentration camp open. 77% agree with his use of killer drones. Both are policies that liberals deplore – when the President who exercises them is a Republican.

Drone Court

After the confirmation hearing for John Brennan as CIA Director elicited discomfort among media and Congressional elites about targeted assassinations of US citizens, some suggested the creation of a “drone court” similar to the rubberstamp FISA court, in order to issue pseudo-judicial death warrants for victims placed on the president’s “kill list.”

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