Donald Trump’s Funeral

Whatever happened to Donald Trump politically in the future, it’s clear what his day-to-day life is going to look like: subpoenas, depositions, and countless investigations. The way things are looking now, who knows? Maybe he’ll even be impeached again.

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  • alex_the_tired
    February 15, 2021 4:28 AM

    Oh my God, this is hilarious. My only complaint? Under no circumstances would Trump’s coffin be this non-ornate. To use the old Spy Magazine equation system: Siegfried and Roy times Liberace raised to the power of the 1970s Shah of Iran’s sitting room all divided by the sum of a bus depot and a Big Mac would give you an approximation of what a Donald Trump Corpse Repository would look like.
    Speaking of funerals … let’s try to tote up all the upcoming ones. People don’t remember that D-Day almost failed. People only remember the final battle: we won the war, so who cares about the bodies along the way.
    Trump beat the rap. Again. Pelosi? Congrats, Nancy. You failed to convict Donald Trump. Twice. That’ll be his campaign slogan in 2024. Your party, meanwhile, is failing on pretty much everything it should be doing: the vaccine roll out? No way I’m taking a shot when I can’t be sure the second will be available. Economic stimulus? $1,400, eventually, followed almost certainly by not another penny? Don’t bother with the $1,400 in the first place then. Obamacare? A student loan reduction of $10,000? You can go all out for impeachments, but wow, do you people shriek about “being practical” and “we don’t have the votes” when it’s something to help ordinary people. And I haven’t even gotten to the housing bubble that’s coming.

  • Donald Trump will NEVER spend a moment in jail, in the GrayBar Hotel! That just isn’t the justice that we have in America. There is a completely different criminal legal system for the rich and connected. Trump may tangle with a prosecutor here or there for a short while but before long they will all get bored and go home.
    Write this with a Sharpy on your wall: “Donald Trump WILL NEVER see the wrong side of the prison bars!”

  • The rhetoric coming out of Washington, D.C., reminds me of an exchange between the King and the Queen in Lewis Carroll’s “Alice In Wonderland.”

    . . . “Let the jury consider their verdict,” the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.
    “No, no!” said the Queen. “Sentence first–verdict afterward.”
    “Stuff and nonsense!” said Alice loudly. “The idea of having the sentence first!”
    “Hold your tongue!” said the Queen, turning purple.
    “I won’t!” said Alice.
    “Off with her head!” the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.
    “Who cares for you?” said Alice. (She had grown to her full size by this time.) “You’re nothing but a pack of cards!”

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