What I’d Do If I Were Trump

1. Quit. Barring a miracle, it’s all over.

2. If he stays in the race, he must open his debate performance with a statement so self-flagellating that Andrea Dworkin would beg him to shut up and move on, already. (I don’t see this happening.)

3. The pivot: point out that “while I say nasty things about women, Hillary Clinton kills them — with her votes for wars fought for fun and profit, with drones, with bombs, by supporting psychotic terrorists in Syria and Libya. I can become polite, but she can’t bring back her victims.” Leave Bill Clinton out of it. Nobody cares.

4. Show up so prepared that he runs circles around her on policy. Propose specifics that most Americans can get behind. Frankly, her policy chops aren’t that great. (I don’t see this happening either.)

5. Be direct. Respond to the audience questions respectfully and in detail. Don’t go off on tangents. View harsh questions as an opportunity to reveal that, actually, you’re a good person who’s misunderstood because your showmanship gets out of the way.

In the unlikely event that he can do this stuff, it probably won’t be enough to win. But it might save his personal reputation from further harm.

Then he should avoid mics and cameras for a year or two. Americans love a comeback story.

16 thoughts on “What I’d Do If I Were Trump

  1. It’s weird. I don’t have a television. I’ve missed the whole Trump becomes nationally famous reality TV star thing, to me he’s the same hack real estate developer blowhard who went totally bankrupt in the city back in the early 90’s I lived in the city for all of Trump. He desperately wanted to be a big shot, and blew it big time. And then did it anyway by getting himself a TV show. Only in America. He’s still a complete hack though, and does nothing but fuck up at anything he tries. I’m no conspiracy theory guy, but there is some niggling voice in the back of my head that keeps screaming “he’s only in the race so Clinton can win!” The only other reason he would have done this is because he thought it would make him more famous (which it did) and more rich (which it almost certainly won’t). Fame he wants. power I don’t really think so, power requires work, which he certainly doesn’t want to do.

    • ‘ . . . there is some niggling voice in the back of my head that keeps screaming “he’s only in the race so Clinton can win!” ‘

      It is the voice of reason.

      • I agree. The missing part of the equation is that this was in the works eight years ago. That’s politics.

  2. This is a weird election. All of my predictions are turning out wrong. My gut tells me you are right. It’s over. But my gut has been wrong every step of the way.

    I think there is a chance that it’s not over. That this will actually strengthen Trump. I don’t think anyone really believes that he will make a good president. I think a big part of his support cones from people that want to punish coastal elites for making them miserable. Trump is infuriating coastal elites right now. That is exactly what his supporters want him to do! Trump is their way of punishing the elites and telling them they are so illegitimate that even Trump can do their jobs.

  3. > But it might save his personal reputation from further harm.

    Wait …what? He the kind of reputation that can be harmed by grabbing women’s asses? Or by the revelation that he can get away with bad behavior because he’s a celebrity? Or because he’s rich?

    Why don’t people tell me these things?

  4. The day before the first debate, Trump was less than 1% behind Hillary. The fairly solid Democrat states were enough to barely win the election for Hillary, but if even one turned, she’d lose. Iowa, Ohio, North Carolina, Florida, and Nevada were all leaning toward Trump.

    The day after the first debate, Trump had dropped to a bit more than 1% behind Hillary, but he kept dropping and is now 6% behind Hillary. Iowa, Ohio, North Carolina, Florida, and Nevada are all leaning toward Hillary by enough that Trump will find it hard to turn them around.

    The 42% who are still for Trump are probably solid, but not enough to win when Hillary has 48% of the vote (better than Bill in ’92). That gives Hillary all the solid Democrat states plus most of the swing states for about 330 Electors (out of 538). Trump should get about 210 Electors.

    It’s unlikely any of that 48% will change their minds, just as it’s unlikely any of the 42% will change their minds. Johnson has said he now knows he cannot win, and most Johnson votes will go to Trump if he drops out, but he can’t really drop out: he’s already on the ballot in all 50 states, and even if he says he’s dropping out, the ballots have already been printed and finalised, so he’ll stay on the ballots and probably get around 7% of the vote. And it’s not clear that Johnson candidates would still switch to Trump after the latest series of scandals.

    I still think Bill called his BFF and said, ‘Can you help me get back into the White House intern room?’ and his BFF promised that, if Bill could fix it so the DNC would not allow anyone except Hillary to get the nomination, that BFF would make sure she won the election, and that BFF is keeping his promise.

    • Latest update: Hillary is up to 49%, and if Johnson voters amounting to 2% of all voters turn from Johnson to Hillary, she could get a majority, better than Bill ever did.

      (Of course, she’s running on Ma Ferguson’s platform: if you loved Bill, think of me as Bill’s way of circumventing term limits.)

    • I have a strong dislike of Bill Clinton, his rightward shift a fulfillment of Reagan’s dreams, a shift that could only be accomplished by a Democrat, like Nixon going to China.

      I thought Americans were infantile to accept on its face an impeachment of Clinton for lying about sex.

      Of course, I am still amazed that the deceased Princess Diana’s presence in the media would last more than a week, much less decades[?].

      (An aside: I have been approached by strangers more than 50 times, by my estimation, for my physical resemblance to Bill Clinton. I have been saluted, photographed, invited to address their community groups etc., and have graciously endured this attention. I now tell these people, to their chagrin, that I am not Bill Clinton, but that he is MY evil twin.)

      Trump doesn’t appear, as yet, to be ready to prostrate himself before American idiots the way Bill did.

      A vote for Trump may be seen as a sign that Americans are approaching a maturity such as seen in France, where openly having a mistress and sexual affairs is not an impediment to seeking high office.

      I still have hope that Trump can give Hillary a licken’.

      I prefer an extreme right president that can be organized against to a faux left president that will be immune to criticisms from the left.

      I will continue to hold to my pledge to vote only for losers because Americans are losers and only by voting for one of our own will we ever have a chance to become winners.

      Vote Green. Vote Jill Stein and Ajamu Baraka

      • You know, I was talking to a friend who shares my politics today, and we were both saying how part of us really wanted Trump to win since then maybe things will really start to get bad, and people will actually start to think. Scary though. Not that things won’t be bad with Clinton, but Trump is actually incompetent.

    • I think that’s a very good damned analysis of the situation. Trump will collect his dues after Hillary is sworn in. 🙁

  5. I still stand by the expectation that something is going to happen. A truly Black Swan event. I don’t know what it will be but all I keep coming back to is that Trump is somehow going to pull this off.

  6. Sorry Ted,

    As advertised much earlier in this Presidential Cycle, VoteForHillary and get two presidents for the price of one … Billary is a Neocon/Neolib team effort. Bubba’s expansive misogyny of sexual assault, rape, and war-criminal mass-murder predating Kankle’s own war crimes, as well as Hillary’s vicious marginalization of all their pain is an integral part of the show.


  7. The worst thing about this election finally ending in November is that whoever wins, their supporters are going to be insufferable for years afterward. If Trump or Clinton win, it will be, “We’re the best and the greatest and America rejects our opponents, the worst people ever.”

    If Trump or Clinton lose, it will be nonstop blame and personal attacks on whomever is deemed responsible for the loss, with no soul searching or honest analysis at all. If Hillary loses, Bernie, Jill and Gary (and maybe Ted and myself) will have to seek political asylum on another continent.