NEW YORK OBSERVER ESSAY: If You Can Evacuate Here, You Can Do It Anywhere

My public toilet manifesto is in this week’s New York Observer.

A snippet:

Residents of other American cities enjoy a privilege that is alien to New Yorkers who shamelessly demand not that table/this table. Self-entitled one-percenters who blithely hold up five blocks of traffic to hail a taxi on the wrong side of the street dare not dream of this right, taken for granted everywhere else, even under the yokes of the most repressive dictatorships.

Doing what comes most naturally, the thing you did before you thought of doing anything else, is a birthright. But not here.

Call it Catch No. 1 and No. 2: Sections 153.09 of the city’s Health Code (disposing of “noxious chemicals”) and 16.118 of the Administrative Code criminalize public urination. If a cop catches you taking a leak against a building (or my favorite release of last resort, between two parked SUVs), you’ll get a “pink summons” dinging you for $50. If your constable writes you up for the health violation, you’ll also get a misdemeanor on your criminal record. (A lawyer who specializes in public urination can wipe away that yellow stain for $500 to $1500.)