Occupy the Hamptons!

Disgruntled residents of the town with some of the highest property values in the United States are taking to the streets this Saturday. That’s right: Occupy the Hamptons is about to begin.

Or, more accurately, to the Wharf. In Sag Harbor. 4 pm Saturday. Bring clever signs and a sunny disposition.

This is being touted as a solidarity action with Occupy Wall Street. Indeed, many of the biggest Wall Street criminals sunk some of their ill-gotten loot into vacation homes on the East End of Long Island: Jim Chanos, Ron Perelman, Carl Icahn, Phil Facone, the infamous Koch Brothers. May I live long enough to see them and their ilk behind bars.

Beyond the link to big stolen money, the Hamptons have plenty of their own unique local issues and concerns to start a revolution over.

It might sound absurd to those who have cruised the streets lined with high-end luxury stores and layed on the beautiful beaches to think that Hamptonians have anything to be pissed off about. Scratch the surface of the summer playground for Manhattan’s boldface names, however, and you’ll find a lot of reasons for locals to want to overthrow the system.

The local political system is riddled with corruption. The Hamptons are, first and foremost, a beach resort—yet beachgoers are drowning because the town and villages say they can’t afford to pay some kid $10 an hour to work as a lifeguard. In a place with $20 million homes, there are no dedicated bike trails and few sidewalks. The East Hampton dump recently eliminated its housing goods exchange–which allowed the well-off to share furniture and other items with the less fortunate–was recently eliminated by budget cuts. Speaking of the dump, it’s closed on Wednesdays now. Did I mention that East Hampton claims it can’t afford to pick up residents’ trash?

Last fall, corrupt Republican pols even eliminated the pick-up of leaves. What are people supposed to do with their leaves? Shove ’em.

Meanwhile, Immigration and Customs Enforcement raids are raising havoc.

Poverty is no stranger to the “rich” Hamptons: 12.2% of the population and 10.3% of families are below the poverty line. Out of the total population, 20.5% of those under the age of 18 and 4.2% of those 65 and older are living below the poverty line.

This isn’t Detroit or West Virginia. How can a region with a huge tax base be so poorly served?

One big reason is its status as a summer playground. Many of the high-end corporate-owned stores that dominate the village main drags (Hermes, for example, sells scarves that begin at $900 each) are only open three or four months out of the year. They’re there to make money from vacationers, with no commitment whatsoever to the community. They shut down over the winter, turning the strips into ghost towns, which deprives local-owned businesses from the chance to attract business. Even during the summer, many don’t bother to hire locals.

The result is that there is basically no work in the Hamptons. The Hamptons didn’t turn into a Third World economy by accident–it’s the result of intentional economic exploitation by corporations, in cooperation with corrupt and short-sighted local politicians and bureaucrats. The Hamptons needs commercial rent control. It should ban leases that aren’t year-round. All hiring should be of local residents. Taxes should be eliminated for the poor and middle-class and shifted to the rich assholes who let their nasty dogs shit all over the beaches during the summer.

Occupy the Hamptons!!!

2 Comments.

  • alex_the_tired
    October 14, 2011 11:37 AM

    Ugh. The protester who started shrieking about how he will not be moved was really not a help to the movement. For someone who says he’s a law student, I would think he’d understand that carrying on like a hysteric doesn’t persuade people to take your side in an argument. Also, I have to wonder if someone who is so emotional is going to be able to control himself, or is he going to play right into the cops’ hands. “Remember, guys. Pass the donuts. Thanks. Remember, try to get a protester to start screaming or running toward you. Then it’s just two bullets in the face and say he was going for your gun. Any more donuts?”

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