Just when you thought America was redeemable, the country explodes in another gooey flag-a-thon in response to Sunday’s bloodbath in Pakistan. All those armchair patriots, all so angry…
Check out this amusing email I received in response to my latest column from brandon.edgar1@gmail.com:
Mr. Rall,
I’d like to buy one of your cartoons. Please have it printed on toilet paper for me so I can get the most use out of it.
From your article:
“Islam teaches combatants to respect their enemies. The death of an opponent is tragic, sometimes a tragic necessity, but never trivial, never a subject for joking. A vanquished enemy should be dispatched quickly, presumably to be chastised by Allah for his wickedness in the afterlife, but he is never to be mocked. A Muslim should not enjoy war or combat, nor gloat when victorious.”Why would you even mention this in an article about Bin Laden? Regular peace-loving Muslims might believe the above teaching, but Bin Laden wasn’t much for it. Remember the Daniel Pearl Video? It’s easy to sit safely behind your desk and computer monitor and think of the polar opposite opinion of the rest of the country, publish it, and have it printed because it pisses people off. Let’s see you try that in person. I am in the US Army and I’m writing this from Afghanistan. What we did to UBL was the most humane form of justice possible. He didn’t need a fair trail since he already plead guilty on many occasions. He didn’t need a hearing for sentencing as he has said many times and you even wrote in your article he wanted the death sentence. We gave all that to him. We didn’t publish a picture or video of the deed. The US Military and Politicians did absolutely everything they could to adhere to Muslim customs and traditions in regards to burial. We certainly gave him more respect than he gave the 3000 killed on 9/11. I defend the right of the civilians to dance in the streets to celebrate justice being done. I also defend your 1st Amendment right to print the article “Osama Bin Laden’s Ultimate Victory”. I just have to ask you this one question. If the United States of America is so bad, so wrong in its policies and handling of Muslims, then why don’t you move to Canada or Mexico? It’s like you’re being a hypocrite. You enjoy your freedom but question the manner in which your get it. Didn’t your mother teach you how to say something nice or don’t say anything at all? Please find me one day and introduce yourself as Ted Rall so I can kick you in the nuts so hard you’ll be unable to have children and contaminate the gene pool. Sorry that you lost the Pulitzer Prize back in 96. Maybe if you weren’t such an America-Hating Douche you would have won. Karma’s a bitch.
Mr. E
19 Comments.
Guy’s job description is “Kill on Command” and he reminds you “if you don’t have anything nice to say…”
Wow. Mr. Rogers with a gun.
Hey Mr. E –
Didn’t YOUR mother teach YOU if you can’t say something nice to not say anything at all? Hypocrite.
And what’s so bad about questioning how our “freedom” is gotten? If someone gave you a duffel bag full of cash, would you keep it or question where it came from? Would it even occur to you that that “freedom” might have come at someone else’s expense? Would that bother you?
Personally, I think murdering people in their homes – without charges being filed, without a trial or conviction, without a real confession, without even the jurisdiction to BE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD – is unquestionably illegal. Even if the person murdered is public enemy number one.
Such actions should be questioned by every sane person on the planet. Because the next thing you know, YOU could be declared public enemy number one, and then they’ll be coming after you. Kiss your precious “freedom” goodbye, because it’s an illusion.
Obama is now every bit the war criminal that Bush is.
“Hypocrisy?” Hah.
“I defend your freedom to say anything that you want, except if you do say anything I dislike, I will physically assault you.” Sort of like, “I am against the death penalty, except when I want to kill people.”
Isn’t there any self-reflection here? If you declare yourself immune from the rule of law, domestic and international, then you also declare yourself outside of the protection of the law, domestic and international.
My mother taught me that two wrongs don’t make a right.
– Martin Luther King, Jr.
The worst part of this ignorant letter is, of course, this:
You enjoy your freedom but question the manner in which your get it.
Discounting the fact that that vaunted freedom is ever dwindling in contemporary America, what exactly do the little freedom you still enjoy has to do with the undeclared wars, extraordinary renditions and extra-judicial killings? Can he demonstrate the relation between the two?
On the other hand, those of us that do not root for the police state know that America is becoming one exactly because of the so-called “war on terror.”
I wonder if that’s his regular email address or if he registered it specifically for this message. I wonder if I should resist the urge to use the email address to register Mr. E on several suspect mailing lists.
Here here, Mr. E. Well put.
RIght on right on.
“You enjoy your freedom but question the manner in which your get it.”
Is that Mr. E, or is that Colonel Nathan Jessup (played by Jack Nicholson) in “A Few Good Men”?
Col. Nathan Jessup:
“Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who’s gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don’t want the truth because, deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said “thank you” and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”
YOU CAN’T HANDLE [MAKING UP SOMETHING ORIGINAL]!!!
To add even more to the irony, its looking like torture was used to get the info, or at the very least, info was given by someone kept secretly in prisons overseas… so yeah, democrats now so willing to wave flags might want to chew on that.
@patron002: It took years and years to get that information through torture, if it was even obtained that way, with countless false leads, numerous civilian deaths resulting from bombing the wrong house, etc.
People who lead with their heads instead of their billy clubs and water boards can get quality information and much more quickly. In addition to being immoral, torture is horribly inefficient, if not counterproductive; the odds are much better if the interrogator works to befriend the prisoner.
Dear Mr. E:
I am a pervert who enjoys being beaten senseless by large men in military garb. I would like you to help me achieve sexual release, so please carefully consider the following message:
“You are not really a soldier, nor are you a hero. You are neither a man, nor an intellect. If I wrote a book on how the military is full of homosexuals who are destroying America, you would not care until I diagramed my thesis in the form of a cartoon. That having been said, you are in fact female genitalia, like all who join the military, and America is a third-world country full of fat, slobbering morons.”
There. Now I have attacked you generically in a way that completely bypasses your reason centers and goes straight to your emotional core. It is a sloppy and transparent attack and now I demand that you help me climax under your manly fists.
Are you ready to give me my heart’s desire? No?
Then why are you so hot to give an old perv like Bin Laden everything he wants? Why have our government and our military spent the last decade wallowing in his brazenly obvious trap?
Just remember, if you don’t satisfy me sexually, everyone will know that you’re a pussy.
To All Anti-Mr. E Peeps: I wonder if all you Ted Rall lovers noticed that Ted doesn’t seem to have a response to Mr. E. I guess Mr. E stumped him. All he could do was post Mr. E’s comment left it up to his mindless minions to come up with something to say.
To Seth Warren: You are pathetic. Have you looked in a mirror lately.
To Lee: Torture isn’t immoral if it doesn’t kill the person being tortured and it saves lives. In this case, it saved countless lives. Go swim down to the bottom of the ocean and tell Bin Laden that torture is wrong. Cutting the head off Daniel Pearl was probably immoral too.
To Spacious: I only challenge you to find Mr. E’s home address and tell him he’s a pussy to his face. I’m sure he’d love to hook you up. Your comments are pretty safe to say from the safety of your trailer house. Try walking outside and saying them to ANY one in a uniform for best results.
To Mr. Rall: Thanks for exercising your 1st amendment rights. You were probably beaten up as a kid and didn’t have a positive male role-model in your life. You have my pity.
@freedomblankets
It is left to you then, sir, to demonstrate to us (and I’m hardly a “Ted Rall lover”) how getting the US armed forces and spooks in random places in the Middle East and Central Asia provides ordinary Americans with their freedoms. And why then do those freedoms are diminished (have you flown around recently?) the more you get entangled overseas?
Inquiring minds, of no particular ideology, want to know…
@Lee: stressing the “inefficiency” of torture only gives er, ammunition, to folks like militaryblankets. If it’s immoral, it’s wrong, period. Nevermind its “efficiency” or the unprovable number of lives it saves. Utilitarianism is not the official state religion.
@freedomblankets
If I wished to insult someone in the military by calling them a pussy, I need go no further than my own family. You’ll find many military families in trailer parks, not that you’d know anything about either.
I apologize if my generic and sloppy attack at Mr. E, which was designed to bypass his reason centers and disrupt his emotional core, has now somehow shut down your ability to process argument and metaphor. Collateral damage, I guess.
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Perhaps I’m taking a wild stab at this but maybe it’s because Bin Laden was a Muslim.
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Remember when President Obama said, “He puts one of ours in the hospital, we put one of his in the morgue. That’s the Chicago way.” Oh wait. That was Sean Connery from The Untouchables. What a great movie! In fact, I’d rather be watching that movie than writing this post. Oh well, I guess you can’t have everything. Now where was I…
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Yes, it sure is, because it just happens to be one of the protections guaranteed by the First Amendment. Okay, the First Amendment doesn’t actually explicitly say you have the right to piss people off. It’s kind of like “the separation of church and state” — you have to read between the lines to discern the meaning. Our founding fathers would have spelled these things out more clearly had they known that the average American, 230 years later, would have the equivalent brain power of a plate of stale bratwurst.
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Ted Rall is no doubt itching to take on an expertly trained soldier in hand-to-hand combat over a difference of opinion. Or what about a fight to the death with rusty knives?
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Well, yes, I suppose being put down by two well-placed bullets is more humane than spending the rest of your life in a supermax prison. But that’s not really what I think of when I hear the word “justice”. Remember back in the 20th century when we had this thing where a person could face his accusers and plead his case before a judge? I think it was called “due process”. (Pining for the old days is making me misty-eyed. I guess I’m just a sentimental fool.)
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But that’s only because the U.S. gov’t lost its YouTube account for uploading pictures of its dong.
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I’m not a Muslim, but I’m pretty sure that their rituals do not call for the deceased to be taken out to the middle of the ocean and dumped into the sea. If this is true, then Al Capone was a closet Muslim.
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This is true if by “more respect” we mean not sneaking up on the victims of 9/11 and executing them in their bedrooms.
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Unlike Muslims, when Americans do this it is not considered savagery.
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I’m sensing a change of heart. Too bad. And Ted Rall was so looking forward to engaging in hand-to-hand combat with an expertly trained soldier.
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But think of Canada and Mexico. Why did they do to deserve such punishment? Of course, if we really wanted to punish them, we’d send them Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity.
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Freedom means following orders and obeying your Fuhrer, like a good German. Oh wait, we’re not there yet. I give America another ten years before every patriotic home is adorned with a swastika.
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My irony meter just went off the scale.
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I’m thinking this guy is not likely to win any awards for Ted Rall’s Biggest Fan. BTW Hitting below the belt, whether physically or verbally, is pretty unsporting, don’t you think? (Except when attacking Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity, then it’s your civic duty.)
Mr. Ted Rall. Could I have a do-over on that last post. I failed to anticipate that my traditional use of brackets to quote people would cause a coding error here. You may want to delete that post altogether since it makes no sense without the proper context. Sorry about that!
In a moment, I’m going to try that post again and hopefully it will be readable this time. But first, let me to try an HTML test.
BTW A preview option would help prevent these kinds of mistakes.
CORRECTED POST (fingers crossed it comes out right this time):
Why would you even mention this [Islam teaching combatants to respect their enemies] in an article about Bin Laden?
Perhaps I’m taking a wild stab at this but maybe it’s because Bin Laden was a Muslim. Okay, I’m being sarcastic, but I think the point was that we should at least hold ourselves to as high a standard as our perceived enemies.
Remember the Daniel Pearl Video?
Remember when President Obama said, “He puts one of ours in the hospital, we put one of his in the morgue. That’s the Chicago way.” Oh wait. That was Sean Connery from The Untouchables. That movie was NOT a documentary, by the way.
It’s easy to sit safely behind your desk and computer monitor and think of the polar opposite opinion of the rest of the country, publish it, and have it printed because it pisses people off.
Yes it sure is, because it just happens to be one of the protections guaranteed by the First Amendment. Okay, the First Amendment doesn’t actually explicitly say you have the right to piss people off. It’s kind of like “the separation of church and state” — you have to read between the lines to discern the meaning. Our founding fathers would have spelled these things out more clearly had they known that the average American 230 years later would have the equivalent brain power of a plate of stale bratwurst.
Let’s see you try that in person. I am in the US Army and I’m writing this from Afghanistan.
Ted Rall is no doubt itching to take on an expertly trained soldier in hand-to-hand combat over a difference of opinion. Or what about a fight to the death with rusty knives?
What we did to UBL was the most humane form of justice possible. He didn’t need a fair trail since he already plead guilty on many occasions. He didn’t need a hearing for sentencing as he has said many times and you even wrote in your article he wanted the death sentence. We gave all that to him.
Well, yes, I suppose being put down by two well-placed bullets is more humane than spending the rest of your life in a supermax prison. But that’s not really what I think of when I hear the word “justice”. Remember back in the 20th century when we had this thing where a person could face his accusers and plead his case before a judge? I think it was called “due process”. (Pining for the old days is making me misty-eyed. I guess I’m just a sentimental fool.)
We didn’t publish a picture or video of the deed.
But that’s only because the U.S. gov’t lost it’s YouTube account for uploading pictures of its dong.
The US Military and Politicians did absolutely everything they could to adhere to Muslim customs and traditions in regards to burial.
I’m not a Muslim, but I’m pretty sure that their rituals do not call for the deceased to be taken out to the middle of the ocean and dumped into the sea. If this is true, then Al Capone was a closet Muslim.
We certainly gave him more respect than he gave the 3000 killed on 9/11.
This is true if by “more respect” we mean not sneaking up on the victims of 9/11 and executing them in their bedrooms.
I defend the right of the civilians to dance in the streets to celebrate justice being done.
Unlike Muslims, when Americans do this it is not considered savagery.
I also defend your 1st Amendment right to print the article “Osama Bin Laden’s Ultimate Victory”.
I’m sensing a change of heart. Too bad. And Ted Rall was so looking forward to engaging in hand-to-hand combat with an expertly trained soldier.
I just have to ask you this one question. If the United States of America is so bad, so wrong in its policies and handling of Muslims, then why don’t you move to Canada or Mexico?
But think of Canada and Mexico. Why did they do to deserve such punishment? Of course, if we really wanted to punish them, we’d send them Ann Coulter and Sean Hannity. (Come to think of it, better not. We don’t need to start any more wars.)
It’s like you’re being a hypocrite. You enjoy your freedom but question the manner in which your get it.
Freedom means following orders and obeying your Fuhrer, like a good German. Oh wait, we’re not there yet. I give America another ten years before every patriotic home is adorned with a swastika.
Didn’t your mother teach you how to say something nice or don’t say anything at all? Please find me one day and introduce yourself as Ted Rall so I can kick you in the nuts so hard you’ll be unable to have children and contaminate the gene pool.
My irony meter just went off the scale.
Sorry that you lost the Pulitzer Prize back in 96. Maybe if you weren’t such an America-Hating Douche you would have won. Karma’s a bitch.
I’m thinking this guy is not likely to win any awards for Ted Rall’s Biggest Fan. BTW Hitting below the belt, whether physically or verbally, is pretty unsporting, don’t you think? (Though at Fox News this is called “policy”.)