Desperate and Afraid, People Trust Leader
This is the first of two parts.
WASHINGTON, NORTH AMERICAN PROTECTORATE, GREATER GERMAN REICH–From Honolulu to Portland, Maine, North American citizens of the Greater German Reich gathered on June 6th to celebrate the 65th anniversary of the victory of Axis forces at D-Day, the battle that decided World War II. Fallen heroes of the Wehrmacht and SS were commemorated at solemn ceremonies and Party rallies throughout the Reich, but the day held special meaning in Washington, which until 1945 was the capital of the former United States.
Speaking at the Supreme Kommandatur, which was built at the site of the former American presidential palace, Chancellor Adolf Hitler III said the war against the Western Allies paved the way for the years of peace and prosperity that followed. “It was unknowable then, but so much of the progress that would define the 20th century, on both sides of the Atlantic, came down to the battle for a slice of beach only six miles long and two miles wide,” he said.
Recollections of the National Socialist triumph at Normandy were clouded by several developments–a severe recession, a war with no apparent end in sight, and continuing concerns over human rights abuses.
Hitler III swept into power last November with a slogan–“change you can believe in”–that charmed members of the Reichstag across the political spectrum from far right to extreme right. Since that time, however, changes have proven either incremental or non-existent. For example, Hitler III promised during the campaign to help national comrades in danger of losing their homes–but instead spent trillions of marks to bail out feckless banks. He promised to withdraw from the Eastern Front, but has extended the pullout timeline by a year, is leaving tens of thousands of troops in place, and even plans to open a new front in South Asia.
Finally, he declared his intent to close Auschwitz (“Germany does not ‘do’ genocide,” he said) only to move the remaining inmates to other camps, which are being expanded.
Despite the lack of action, most people continue to support the charismatic new Leader. “He has a lot on his plate,” says Kristof Mathewsohn, the cable TV commentator. “Give the guy time.”
Indeed, five months into his chancellorship, the Leader remains the most trusted figure in North American politics. A new poll of homeless, recently dispossessed workers found that 72 percent trust Hitler III “to do the right thing.”
“In watching and listening to Hitler III’s press conferences, it’s easy to appreciate why people trust him,” said a man who preferred to remain anonymous because, as a Jew, he could be arrested and murdered by the state. “Sure, I wish he’d shut down the gas chambers and the ovens, but he has a lot of other problems to fix first. I’m sure he’ll get around to investigating the guys in the previous administration for their role in the Holocaust–nothing drastic, maybe a truth and reconciliation commission or something.”
Members of the media remain in thrall to the Leader’s suave persona, which is magnified by the glamour his statuesque wife and adorable daughters have brought to Germania (formerly Berlin). “Finally–parties we can believe in!” quipped a reporter as he slipped into a sold-out Wagner performance where Hitler III and his family appeared for a long-promised “date night.”
Few have forgotten that Hitler III offered the best alternative. “We live in a one-party system,” pointed out Rachel Maddoff, host of “The Rachel Maddoff Show.” “Can you imagine how much worse it would have been had Hitler III lost?”
NEXT WEEK: Resistance!
COPYRIGHT 2009 TED RALL
60 Comments.
JXC, it's inaccurate to say this is 'agreeing to disagree' when people are talking past one another.
All the people who critisized Ted don't get it.
This article was meant to be a food for thought and not to be taken literally.
When the rhetorics and feel good smile and make-believe measures that amount to no real substance
are removed, then Obama turns out to be as bad as Bush and may be worse.
A lot of people, including myself, knew about that and wanrned the naive not to be fooled but to no
avail.
Anon 6/9/09 3:20 PM,
As Ted stated, Obama is not a "centrist Democrat", by any reasonable definition. The scary thing is the way the definition of centrist has been changed. Obama has inherited Bush's gift for proposing the most appalling policies, claiming they're common sense, and declaring critics of those policies to be enemies of common sense. Bush and Obama have together shifted the center of this debate so far from where it should be, that to be a centrist is to be a fascist. The center of this debate should be respect for the constitution and rule of law. We've lost that, and the people who've led us to lose have have done a hell of a lot more damage to this once great nation than the terrorists did on 9-11.
Ted is right. If McCain won, half of the country would be expecting him to be a reactionary asshole, and that would be enough to slow him down.
For some inexplicable reason, reversing all your positions is perceived as wisdom by Americans. It helps politicians get their way. They say only Nixon could go to China. That means the Americans would only tolerate an accord with a monster like Mao if it was made by a former McCarthyist. Its only fitting that a former constitutional law professor would erase what's left of due process.
Maybe McCain would have done good. Every policy McCain proposed would have led to a train wreck. Was he setting up to use reverse psychology to get some good policies through?
No one of consequence-
Your damn right that's my yardstick as to whether or not Obama is to the right of Bush. Which was the claim being made, and a separate question as to whether or not Obama's policies are fascist.
Am I thrilled with every position Obama's taken? Of course not. But anyone who thinks things would've been even slightly better under McCain is deluding themselves.
Obama was the best we could've done, and Rall knows this even if he doesn't want to admit it.
Whiny calls for him to resign and nonsense claims that he's "to the right of Bush" are pointless and accomplish nothing except to make liberals and liberalism look bad.
Ted needs to accept it, and deal with reality while he tries to push Obama to the left, and frankly, so far he's not doing a good job of that.
Ted, you are absolutely right! Soon you'll be appointed the Czar of Logic so keep up the good work. Clearly you're two steps ahead of the guy.
Obama is straight up Chicago-style corruption and the absolute definition of OPPRESSION. Got something to say? Shut up or get fired. Or maybe a little Joe the Plumber public abuse.
People here are still a bit too embarrassed to admit their mistake. No one likes to admit they were conned.
It gets down to accountability. The only recourse is next year. Kick it out at the polls, kill the one-party system (if you can work your way past the Acorn thugs brandishing sticks). Vote 'em out and kick it up for 2012. NOBAMA.
"Obama is straight up Chicago-style corruption and the absolute definition of OPPRESSION…Or maybe a little Joe the Plumber public abuse."
Joe the Plumber deserved the abuse he got, he was an idiot and an opportunist, and represented much that is ignorant and comically pathetic about this country.
Kick Obama out in 2012 and get who? You guys are drinking your own kool aid
Who? Wow. . . anyone who isn't Obama or Soros. Hope that helps.
I'm not into Neo-Americans running the country… czars at every turn. Filthy corrupt firings like IG Walpin.
And hey. Joe's front yard was visted by you-know-Hussein. Don't be pullin' no wool over d' eyez on that fairytale. YOU don't deserve to be treated that way. None of us deserves the Chicago way. After only 4 months. . . doesn't it seem like forever.
So many here have pointed out the obvious, but let me join in as it needs to be said again…a 'Hitler comparison'…wow…how…'original'.
Congratulations, Rall…you have officially joined the ranks of Conservative idiots that make simplistic (and laughable) analogies in order to attempt a 'point'…and you, like the morons before you, fail miserably. Gee, Obama is charasmatic and a good speaker…'HE'S JUST LIKE HITLER!'…seriously, Ted…pathetic, just PATHETIC. Oh, and consider taking some drawing lessons, will you? Your 'artwork' is the only humorous aspect to your 'funny cartoons'.
Anonymous @ 6/16/09 8:43 AM
Your damn right that's my yardstick as to whether or not Obama is to the right of Bush.
Then your analytical method is utterly foolish. Bush killed more U.S. citizens by buddying up with insurers against the insured than he did by allowing a couple of buildings to be blown up. If you’re using death toll — and not bullshit spectacle — as a yardstick, you’re still way the fuck off. Obama is further right in effect because he is more successful at pushing the country’s policies into fascism. This is why Clinton was more successful at the same practice than Reagan.
But anyone who thinks things would've been even slightly better under McCain is deluding themselves.
Anyone who thinks that McCain is a tenth of the politician that Obama is either flirting with imbecility or heavily medicated.
Obama was the best we could've done
Bullshit again. Activists could have pushed the primary to progressives. Instead they actively backed Obama and Clinton and destroyed any progressive efforts to make the race populist. Did you actually own a computer during the primaries?
deal with reality while he tries to push Obama to the left. . .
Do you actually read what you type? Are you posting blog comments just to hear the interesting clacking sound your keys make? Did you actually imply that “pushing Obama to the left” is anything remotely consistent with “dealing with reality?” If Obama was “pushable” he wouldn’t be this far right in the first place. The point that everyone here notes is that Obama isn’t populist. So your response is to encourage people to pretend he’s populist?! Could you make a more fucking stupid statement please?
Next we’ll be talking about “pushing” rapists to be more inclined to feminism.
Oh — here’s the “pushable” Obama condemning innocent U.S. citizens to prison — and, as a de facto result, keeping real criminals on the streets:
http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2009/06/20/dna/index.html