Benchmarks Report Card
posted by TheDon
My dearest friend and esteemed colleague, Sheik bin Laden,
posted by TheDon
My dearest friend and esteemed colleague, Sheik bin Laden,
It is with great pleasure that I report on our progress in the struggle against the crusaders, infidels and apostates. We are doing exceedingly well on all of our benchmarks, and are well ahead of any reasonably expected progress. Your ability to goad the simpleton leader of cursed Amrika has caused him to eliminate the infidel leader of Iraq, while providing us with limitless training opportunities, fundraising and recruits. Soon he will open Persia to us, and we will eliminate the Shia apostates forever. Our list of benchmarks was long:
- US out of Saudi Arabia
- Bleed US economy
- Kill US citizens and soldiers
- Rebuild organization
- Depose Saddam
- Depose Iranian government
Our success continues unabated, helped along by our great ally. We will miss him greatly, and must start planning for an administration which truly means us harm. Fortunately, we are now stronger than we have ever been. I look forward to the fight ahead.
Your friend and fellow soldier,
Ayman Muhammad Rabaie al-Zawahiri
P.S. Thanks for the “Bless This Cave” tapestry. It is a great reminder of the days when we thought we had to hide from the crusaders, in fear of them finding us. It will hang in an honored place on my office wall, where I work secure in the knowledge that our Pakistani hosts will keep us safe, and our great ally does not truly wish us eliminated.
