posted by Susan Stark
I just read in the news that the US military says that Al-Qaeda No. 2 has been eliminated.
I count myself as someone who is not subject to that particular disease called American Amnesia Syndrome, where inconvenient news is shoved down the memory hole as soon as Paris or Britney does something off the top. Yet I can’t remember for the life of me how many times Al-Qaeda No. 2 has been killed since 9/11 happened. I can probably estimate that No. 2 has been killed at least four times since that fateful day. He’s been killed two times in Pakistan, and two times in Iraq, according to my memory. The actual number of times he’s been killed is probably much higher than that. I don’t have the time or the energy to find out the actual kill score, because I would have to search through seven years of news.
You’ve got to hand it to No. 2. His powers of resurrection are astounding. And his name changes with each resurrection. Sometimes it’s Zawahiri, then it’s Zarqawi, and now it’s Qaswarah. No. 2 may be brilliant when it comes to rising from the dead, but he doesn’t have much creativity when it comes to re-naming himself. All three of these names sound far too similar to each other.
I kinda feel sorry for No. 3 and No. 4. They never get any attention from our brave troops. No bombs dropped on them at all. It’s always that blasted No. 2 guy. And of course it would never do to actually drop a bomb on the Big Number One Cheese himself, Osama Bin Laden. Because then everyone would be asking what took so long, and unfortunately Number One would have to inconveniently remain dead afterwards.
Fortunately, though, that venerable news source called The Onion may know how many times No. 2 has a-risen from the dead, because I sure don’t.
7 Comments.
I think the Pentagon has an "Islamic Name Random Generator". They generate a name and then kill everyone who falls close to it. With only 3 weeks left to the election, the generator is working overtime!
not to give the government too much credit, but when you kill one second in charge, he will be replaced
when OBL is killed, someone will take over his position
Susan,
You're kidding right? You donakt understand that when one #2 gets killed another takes his place then he gets killed? Maybe #3 takes his place then he gets killed.
This proves that the American people will accept any #2 that they're fed.
"Who are you?"
"The New Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You Are Number Six."
"I am not a number, I am a free man!"
*laughter*
Yes, Anonymous 4:48. That's from The Prisoner. Great TV show.
Anonymous 6:18, I get what you're saying, but I also hope you'll get what I'm saying, too.
Susan,
I think you were a little too subtle. Things is anon, these news blobs never mention anything about No. 3 or 4 getting whacked (it probably doesn't show as much "support for the troops") and, of course, we're not going to be reading about Osama's demise anytime soon.
But every now and then, the media lap dog has to stoke the embers of the failed war by breaking (or making) the news of a successful hit in God knows where.
Worse thing is, some people buy it.