Sad News for the World’s Catholics

Growing up in a predominantly Republican Ohio suburb during the 1970s, one respite from the constant onslaught of capital-C conservatism on the political scene and small-c conservatism in local culture was the church. I served mass for priests who believed–nay, knew–that Christ had enjoined them to defend the poor and weak against the wealthy and powerful. The bourgeous faithful might spend their weeks fucking over their employees and cast reprehensible votes for evil curs like Ronald Reagan, but on Sunday they had to sit in their pews and suck up the sweet truth that their lives were totally incompatible with the basic tenets of their supposed faith.

That activism took a beating under Pope John Paul II, although like so many US Supreme Court justices who start out as conservatives and move to the left, his experience dealing with the real world transformed him towards his eminently progressive “culture of life” during the late 1990s.

Now they’ve elected a Nazi pope.

OK, an ex-Nazi pope.

Yeah, yeah, I know–they forced him to man that anti-aircraft gun. Like they didn’t all say that.

Dubious wartime past aside, Benedict XVI’s present is nothing short of horrifying. All Catholics worthy of their faith, and men and women of good conscience, mourn. But look at the bright side: the Catholic Church has survived the Inquisition. It will survive Pontificus Maximumus Bushus I.